If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start

Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end

Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away

Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

Today ends a previous chapter of my life and opens a new one on 17 Nov. A fresh start. The people I have met will always remain in my memory. No regrets. A series of challenges, new acquaintances will surface as I move in the direction I so much know right now that is clear and bright. Not deterred by the economic downturn, it is time to move on and venture into the unknown, unlearn, learn and relearn. The period of training, development, self upgrade is here. Opportunities do not come knocking twice. I cannot wait.

The Car, The Gal and KTV

Blatantly obvious enough for some, and ambiguous for others.

What am I talking about? Let's start with cars and gals. We know that many gals are with guys because of the vehicle they have, a decent enough car, perhaps. And we also know that many guys spend all their cash on the gal they love, even if it is one sided. We've seen many. Many choose to deny the fact that the gal is just all out to spend every single dime he has. Some men just want to show they are financially capable by spending extravagantly hoping to win the gal's heart in the long run. Wishful thinking for some but there are gals who just want the money. I don't know if it's for security or just plain material needs. What do you think about a guy buying a car just to chauffeur the gal around? Trying desperately to win her heart? Or just too much money to spare? I thought that guys like that have begun to cease to exist until I recently met 2. I do not know if it's foolish to spend $$ on a gal who is newly attached and hopefully she will be touched and he will be 'one-up' above the boyfriend because he has 'THE CAR'! I know love can be blind but this is ridiculous!!!

Let us name the two men A and B. Both are in love. B got the gal only to find out she used him and his car to personal gains and needs. The gal had a change of heart but later found her way back to B, who so willingly gave her a second chance but still got made used of again before finally learning to let go and get his life back on track.

A liked one gal for 2 years before finally learning to let go because nothing materialised and then started falling for another who is newly attached for 2 months. A asked me if he should get a car to be 'better' than his competition because the latter has no car. Hypothetically, A gets the gal. If it is because of the car, is the wooing so much as worth it? If a better 'car' comes along, then what? A is Mr Nice Guy. I can attest to that. He always asks himself why can't he find that gal? Is it his physical appearance? character? WHAT?

All I can say is A, better luck next time. Maybe it's just not time to fall in love because the 'right' one hasn't come along. Enjoy singlehood and immerse in games. Yes, I know you've a sum of savings just waiting to be spent on your 'girfriend' but come on man!! Is that all there is to life? Or you have no life? How about your start losing weight first? Honestly, it helps in finding a gal. Even if she doesn't appear after all that weight loss, no worries! 'coz you will still be looking good, feeling good and healthly.

And what about KTV? The gal who is attached and A is after? does not want to go for the KTV because A is not going. So sweet hur? I find it totally brainless. Don't confirm something you eventually will cancel because you don't know the value of commitment. For those of you who do this frequently, you should feel ashamed of yourselves. If abundant notice is given, fair enough, but if it's last minute, pity those who have agreed on their attendance, gave up other appointments and sticking to it. It isn't so much of cancelling, really. It is a lame excuse that because this person is not going, so I am not going also. Still in primary school?

So A, should you happen to read my blog, you are not going to friend me anymore?

Don't friend don't friend lor...

The Great Leap

Change.

I am leaving for greener pastures. Will it really be greener on the other side?

I have been extremely stressed because of the recent internship saga with the school. No internships, no hotels and just secured a club for the attachment. I guess learn from somewhere as this is a totally whole new ballgame. Let it come. Bring it on.

Complexion as bad as ever due to the past few stressful weeks, trying very hard to earn myself a place in the hotel industry; sending resumes and hoping for responses. Fortunately, it did earn me a few interviews and opportunities to understand this process a little better. It makes me learn again. Never stopped.

One final assignment before the battle for the exams. A tough semester this has been yet again. 4 more months of attachment and the final semester. The last payment in Nov this year and saving up all over as money has been well spent on a course that you can say is my dream and passion. Will I ever succeed? Time will tell.

Rest. Yes, it is time for that now. Enjoy the long weekend! The year is ending. A new one begins.

My Way Your Way

Courtesy begins with me. Or should I say I must give way be it right or wrong. Let me relate an incident yesterday night after a movie at Downtown East.

Narrow pedestrain walkway. Bicycles parked at the right side taking up more space. Left side blocked with wire mesh because of loose soil. The stretch is long and straight. Loud techno music suddenly blasted from behind. Seems wierd to be a cyclist so I thought it was from a car. Continued walking. Reminder - pedestrian walkway. I turned around to look but only saw a cyclist coming from behind and I still thought the loud music was not from him. I stook my ground and didn't give way because it was my bloody right!!! Then...i felt a nudge from a bicycle handle at my ribs. I moved aside before the cyclist with his girlfriend sitting in the front shoved past and yelled:" DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE WAY IS IT????!!! NOT HAPPY CALL POLICE LAH!!! YOUR GRANDFATHER'S ROAD AH? BASKET!!!"

Continued walking. He cycled off onto the road but kept turning back. He stopped at the end where there was an opening. He waited there. Upon reaching where he was, he used his bicycle to block my way and once again opened his mouth:"WALK LAH!!!" Oh sure...of course I just turned left and walked on. He even got his girlfriend to get off the bicycle because he thought that looking for trouble was that easy. I guess only an uneducated MF would do that.

Continued walking. Reached the bus stop. He sped by, braked at where I was, stared at me before finally riding by. So throughout the whole time, there was just one loud voice. He turned off the techno music blasted from the speaker to prove this.

That was it. End of the story. No. No scene except his own was created. In my head were the possibilities that I would've done if I was equally a MF gangster:

Punched him
Push his bike all the way back onto the road and shove it so that he falls
When he rides by, trip him
When he rides by, pull the antenna of the speaker to see it smash into pieces on the ground
When he rides by, give him a good choke and not let go

Yes, I saw all these in my head but No, I didn't execute any of the actions because if I did, I will probably be narrating the incident in court and then to the inmates behind bars.

Thereafter, I was scared. I wondered if he will recognise my face and then later bring his gang to beat me up. I sound like I've been watching too many drama mama shows but well, when it doesn't happen now doesn't mean it won't happen at all. I suppose we've to know not to step on the wrong tail. Sometimes I wish I can just be the guy who just yelled. At least he expresses everything, angrily or arrogantly. Keeping quiet and not wanting to rouse a scene is called being civilised?? Or just not wanting to get into trouble? Which is scarier? Emotional or physical pain? If the guy hit me or I get personal with him by saying his behaviour is usually because he has a low self esteem, lack of confidence, bad childhood or maybe a BAS***D child?

As yesterday's events slowly creep by, I cannot stop but want to help people like that. I never want to believe that they are born this way. I bet nature has everything to do with it. It is sad and this is reality. It is like saying if only everyone has the ability to go to school and receive education and become well bred and good samaritans. Wouldn't the world be a better place? WORLD PEACE!!! Then, where will the odd job labourers comes from? Who will be the rubbish collector? Who will be the road sweepers? Yet we see people rushing for seats on the train. We see people pretending to sleep and taking up the priority seats. When a pregant lady or the elderly comes on board, the priority seats are not given up. Seat warmers and all the inconsiderate selfish mongrels.

With all these sociological differentiations and country's business developments moving a tad too much faster than the people, will we too far behind? If we are not too careful, we might just not be able to catch up and inevitably become a developed and ungracious society.

Decisions

Crossroads ahead. Decisions to make. So what should I choose? What should I say? How should I say? When is the right time? I don't know. I am very stressed up. I have to take a risk should I make the decision I am about to make. I already know the consequences because they are obvious enough and money becomes difficult to solve when there are many commitments revolving around cash flows. Sigh. I want to solve the problem but before I do that I have to make a decision through the weighed alternatives and options. Should I? I feel that my problems should be solved on my own and not rubbed off onto others, burdening them with additional stress. Yet at the same time, with so many things going on in my head, how can I act oblivious to the eminent dilemma ahead? It will only become a dilemma if I let it be because putting it aside is only stalling for time and the problem still remains. I need to give myself time to think. I am given till the end of this week to come to my decision because the following week will be the choice I have made and cannot look back to avoid the possibility of regrets. Good luck to me....I don't know why but suddenly I wish to be left alone...small in the corner of the world without any disruptions..I want to skip classes...I just want to recluse. I want to cry.

It only takes a spark....to confirm everything. Where is it? What is it?

Reflections

HA! It's been 10 days since my last blog! No, that isn't the longest period between blogs but for those who consistently read it, I guess it's time for an update. I recently celebrated my sweet and simple little anniversary with an exchange of couple rings and thank you to all my friends out there who congratulated us and sent us your well wishes!

I am going to take a sharp turn from this blissful image you already have with my earlier sentence to say that while there may be many happy couples out there celebrating their anniversaries, their weddings, their love for each other, there are also those who are having affairs, having one-night stands and going through arduous separations and divorces. It can be one sided where the man or the woman 'suddenly' don't love either party any more which is wierd because there is love at first sight and then everything magical disappears and falls to pieces leaving disaster for those involved. I am always amazed at how strong I've become as a woman and as a person through the experiences I have been through thus far. I know that many obstacles I face should not stumble me but at that point in time when life seems so miserable and we start asking why, those will be the times when we feel that life is unfair and totally unnecessary. Then when that period of unhappiness passes, the sky seems clearer again and our vision less clouded and more willing to take in more light. We will mature along the way and when I tell myself it will soon pass and it is just a wave where there are highs and lows in life, I will be more positive and not dwell in my own misery because that is not considered loving yourself. Like how I feel that you got to trust yourself, you got to love yourself too in order to be able to love others whole heartedly without reservations. It is up to individuals because love is a very controversial issue.

I am being very emotion-less here and I really do not know if it's because of some of what I've gone through before and the different kinds of people I've met - their lives, listening to them, understanding their problems, but honestly, sometimes we should take a step back and reflect on ourselves. We can treat ourselves to a nice and quiet time at home, at the beach...just be with ourselves and enjoy! I realise that we can give all we want to the one we love, but slowly, giving becomes routine without us knowing it. And subconsciously, we expect to have something in return. Even if we don't, the routine of giving without getting anything in return will slowly turn to a repulsive, negative feeling. And then after some time, we will question if that is love? I could be wrong but we all feel differently anyways and I won't fault anyone who share different thoughts from me. I am open to your opinions should you have any.

Life is short. Really!!! We should make use of every moment and cherish the decisions we make. Of course, we look into our options and make decisions that don't destroy our lives like robbing a bank to prove we can do it, murdering someone to show we are cold-blooded, you know what I mean right? Again, different people different perceptions of enriching and meaningful lives. So for me, as long as I am happy, I know the decision I've made is right for me. Don't regret. Just learn from painful lessons should there be any and move along. East? Yeah...you got to dare to take the first step and try.

I am glad to have someone who can share every moment with me. We can be friends, lovers, buddies, enemies, strangers all at once. I will consider this special because it is not the norm and quite difficult to explain in words. I emphasize again that as long as I am happy, that is all that matters. Be true to myself and my heart. Think before I speak and don't take things for granted.

To continue from my 23 September 2008 blog, I did the run again with my colleague at 11.50am. We headed towards the same route (Marina Bay) except longer this time and he told me I ran 4km today. I am pretty amazed at the endurance level today because the heat is excruciating though not as bad as the first run where I was already not feeling well and extremely heaty yet after the run still went straight into air-con environment and caught a cold; a bad one I must say because I went down with a fever and not knowing that I did!!! I was that SMART!! hahahahahaha Ok..I know I am not supposed to but I am as stubborn as a mule lah.....and forgetting I was already not feeling well....and etc etc etc..so today, I cooled down after the 35 min run at the carpark and showered. The hot water doesn't come out right because the pressure seems wrongly adjusted or something...it was a scorching day!!! Water was a must..because I couldn't stop perspiring....so I knew that the body heat was not trapped within and that fever will not repeat itself..hahaha..It feels good after a run...it works for me all the time.

Dear told me to try different running styles so that different sets of muscles are worked. And yes, I admit that I wasn't as receptive as before to propositions but true enough...the exercise guru is right!! hee hee hee...gotta be careful too because of the ankle....and I will not go into that because if I do, the blog will never end lah...HAHAHA...I am proud of myself for finishing the 4km run without stopping and keeping a consistent pace with my colleague throughout. Whether or not it's for Sports day (up and coming company event), exercise is key to a healthy lifestyle other than a balanced diet!!

Keeping up with the pace

After 8 years, I finally repeated what I did again - Run under the gruelling heat of the mid-day sun with 2 colleagues during lunch time today. A major feat for me because we hit the marina bay area where construction works aplenty and dust flying everywhere. *COUGH COUGH* But it's fun! Roger didn't join me because it's reallie too hot and bad for his skin I believe and the heat together with the dust will irritate his face even more. Shower facilities was good. One bathroom for ladies with heater, fan, and enough space to place clothes and all. The heater well...takes some time to heat up and when the men's bathroom is in use, the hot water will also be shared and therefore it all depends on who turns on the hot water tap first...hahaha...so I showered in cold water...BRRRRrrrrr...

Anyways, Roger bought me lunch - fish soup bee hoon and I had it slowly because I am super superly drained. What to do? Gotta train for Sports Day leh...doing 2 events - 100m dash and 1500m Women Open..hahaha...it happens to be from 2-5pm as well so I guess training under the mid-day sun allows my body to acclimatise to the weather come 10 Oct!! Good luck to me!!

My colleagues will be running again tomorrow afternoon...I think I will give this one a pass...hee hee hee

MAMA MIA

And so 7 of us - Catherine, Brandon, Meilian, Huiyen, Joyce, Ryan and me headed to The Cathay to catch the Mama Mia movie at 7.10pm. My bimbo came in late but the show amazingly 'waited' for her and started only at about 7.30pm. It was a fun-filled movie with lots of laughter, sing-alongs and clapping at some scenes. For me, it was like watching the musical but from what Joyce told us, the London musical was definitely much better. Straight after, we still couldn't get the songs out of our heads and we headed to take pictures with the poster as backdrop!! HAHAHA..entering the inviolate belt and then the zone of closure! HAHAHAHAHA I got a passer-by to take a group photo of us only to realise Catherine and Brandon refusing to be in the picture (or rather only Catherine) because she said it's so embarrassing lah!! WAH LAU!!!! It was fun mah..no meh? hahahhaa...because after our a few minutes of cam whoring, other people followed suit!! hee hee hee....

We then headed for food at Plaza Singapura because some of us haven't had our dinners and so a few hamburgers, drinks, fries and more photo taking pretty much summed up the night as we slowly proceeded to the train station and headed on home. A short but cool and fun outing with the usual few of us (this Su ah....last minute don't know what guard duty lah....or else sure join in the 'BHB' fun HEE HEE HEE)

Here's the song that created an impact on my bimbo buddy.....and yes..she bought the soundtrack of the movie straight after the show...heh heh heh...

Thanks Dearie Pants for purchasing the tickets early so that I didn't have to book it online and get charged the booking fee hahaha...so it's just $6 for every ticket coz someone UOB card holder leh..got 12% discount!! hee hee hee..

I give you two videos...the original and from the movie by Meryl Streep!

I don’t wanna talk

About the things we’ve gone through

Though it’s hurting me

Now it’s history

I’ve played all my cards

And that’s what you’ve done too

Nothing more to say

No more ace to play

The winner takes it all

The loser standing small

Beside the victory

That’s her destiny

I was in your arms

Thinking I belonged there

I figured it made sense

Building me a fence

Building me a home

Thinking I’d be strong there

But I was a fool

Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice

Their minds as cold as ice

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all

The loser has to fall

It’s simple and it’s plain

Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss

Like I used to kiss you?

Does it feel the same

When she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside

You must know I miss you

But what can I say

Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide

The likes of me abide

Spectators of the show

Always staying low

The game is on again

A lover or a friend

A big thing or a small

The winner takes it all

I don’t wanna talk

If it makes you feel sad

And I understand

You’ve come to shake my hand

I apologize

If it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence

But you see

The winner takes it all

The winner takes it all......

心动

心动



有多久没见你
以为你在那里
原来就住在我的心底
陪伴着我的呼吸

有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头就看到你

过去让它过去
来不及
从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果
不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹

过去让它过去
来不及
从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果
不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹
总是想再见你
还试着打探你的消息
原来你就住在我的身体
守护我的回忆

Pain is Inevitable but Misery is a Choice

Pain. It comes in many forms. Falling down and hurting yourself. Getting scalded or burnt. A failed relationship. Finding out that your love one is having an affair. Different forms of pain bringing about different types of emotions. The most hurting ones seem to be, for most people, finding out you were betrayed, cheated or even seeing your boyfriend, girfriend, husband or wife having an affair. What will we do? What will you do? Will it be sleepless nights? Confrontation? Pointing fingers? Focusing on whose fault is it rather than the situation at hand? What good does it do? Why ask the questions when he answers don't make a difference anymore? unless...harbouring on hope. Hope. What happens when we hope for the hopeless? Is there such a thing? Will what we expect and then not turn out the way we want it to be makes us upset and disappointed? Why does it go that way? We will get through all these emotional self-inflicted sufferings only when we choose to get over them. But how? More questions again and no answers.

It is always difficult when we are left hanging. It is always simpler when we know the answers. It is easy to say if only..and also easy to say certain things when there already known answers. So the begging question is still...so how? What can I do? How can I ease the pain? Do you think if you continue to talk about what you have gone through, whose fault it should be and all the wrongs, will it make a right? As the saying goes, 2 wrongs doesn't make a right. And likewise for affairs. The husband commits adultery, the wife finds out and then goes out and sleeps around. Does this mean the wife will feel better? How about the marriage is fine. The wife sleeps around because the marriage is getting boring and unsatisfying. In this sense, whose fault is it? Most of the time, it will be the one who's committed adultery. The doer. In reality, is it really true? Or we just perceive it that way and then it becomes true?

Slowly but surely, pain becomes misery when our questions are unresolved and we cannot let things go. You can only help yourself. No matter what other people say. Advice is all you get. We cannot tell you what to do because the one involved in that situation is you. Maybe if you stop focusing all your energy on what has already happened and why it happened, taking steps to learn new things, pick up a new hobby, go out with friends could help in easing the so-called psychological pain.

FACE IT! Brooding is not exactly the best way to go around it. Understanding that when there is pain, surely there will be unhappiness. Don't start asking why there should be because there just naturally is! Don't start finding excuses for yourself. Start finding the path to happiness. Start doing something for yourself. Love yourself. No harm. There is nothing to lose. Just try. It won't hurt will it? Why do we keep falling into the pit of unhappiness when the world out there is so vast and there are so many things we've yet to uncover. Life is short as it is. Why make it shorter with sadness and tears? Worth it?

Loneliness. I understand the feeling of being alone. Personal space. It is different from loneliness. When we have our own personal space, it gives us a breather from everything else, from work, from our boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands and friends. It gives us time to reflect on ourselves and everyone else. We will also reflect on life. It varies from people to people. We should enjoy every minute of our lives I suppose. Be happy with the decision you make. If cannot be happy, just don't regret the decision. When unexpected events happen, work on how you can solve the problem rather than regreting and also get emotional. Things don't get done or get solved on its own just like that.

Actually I work on the principle that anything that happens be it sad or happy will pass and then become memories. Life is never smooth sailing anyway. We learn along the way and from the experiences of the journey. There is no hard and fast rule to living life. There are lots of trial and error. It is full of choices. Our choices and then our decisions make the difference to how things will turn out.

We shouldn't anticipate. Just let it come. Embrace it all. We shouldn't complicate the simple things. Communication can solve lots of misunderstandings. There are always alternatives. Some are just not what we are looking for and that's how it inflicts fear and create an obstacle to go forward. It is just whether we want to or not. Period.

KPE Swing 5km Fun Walk & Run 14 Sep 08

'Rise and Shine!!!' Beeped my handphone at 6am in the morning on a Sunday morning 14 Sep 08. Yes I know I said to myself..Aren't I already awake at 5.30am????!!!! Arrgghh..Dragging myself outta bed on Sunday morning!!!! You might think I am kidding but neh..it's for the KPE SWING!! My first 5km walk and run event with Ryan, Roger, David & Family, Catherine & Brandon and Ann! BOY!! Was I excited!! I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself 2 pieces of mooncake with egg yolk and mulberry milk, downed the breakfast though there wasn't much saliva production because I seldom got up so early on Sundays. Even Charcoal had to turn his head twice to confirm it was me who opened the front door. Heh heh heh. Ok..with such keen sense of smell, he can sniff me out miles away..who am I kidding hor? HAHAHAHAA Seeing the black one look so cute wagging his tail and poking his nose at me, I played with him and ruffled his ears and smelled his cheeks and patted his 'small' black head. hee hee hee. And then it was time to walk to the train station and meet Roger and Ryan at Kovan station. Don't ask me why I didn't take the shuttle from Tampines. I was just all too willing to get up that early because the engine just needs time to warm up.

Honestly, when the walk started, my brains were just getting up. And the wait..oh man..the wait before the start of the walk was tiring. There were hordes of people and we didn't want to go too much to the front because it was jam pack with people and more people and the pushing and shoving...not a good idea. After all, Catherine, Brandon, David and family and Ann and colleagues were still not here yet. They slowly loomed into sight after Ryan, Roger and I took pictures with the cheap red electronic lanterns and made as many monkey faces as we could to past the time. My red lantern 'ball' rolled off before the walk started!! HAHA It was a guiness record Singapore wanted to have so I guess 15,000 people holding on to lanterns could easily have overtaken the Germans' current record. FREE red lanterns. whether or not it works, whether the 'ball' falls off, doesn't make much of a difference. The sound of the horn and the first wave goes off! The 10km run for Men/Women/Veteran Open went off first. Soon after, our 5km Fun walk and run was flagged off!!! YIPPIE YAY!! There was music and drums playing as we walked into the tunnel. I agree with Ryan. He said it was like Lord of the Rings where the Orks were heading for war, slowly trudging forward towards enemy territory, preparing for battle.

500m into the tunnel, we reached a stretch of darkness where the red lights shone dimly as we moved along, not brightening our paths and soon an accident happened. A female runner supposedly for the 10km run knocked into an elderly lady who was in the free black KPE swing top.

Oh..I forgot to mention earlier that the free Tees came with the race pack that Roger and I collected on 6 Sep. They came in different colours - BLACK (which was pretty dumb because a black top in a dark surrounding?? Bad Combination), luminous ORANGE, GREEN and YELLOW! As for sizes, females were standard M and males XL. For some it seemed to fit ok, for others it was like drooping! Oh well..many wore their own tops, nevertheless.

As I was saying, the elderly lady got knocked down and though not entirely serious, there will surely be some superficial wounds bearing in mind of the surface we all were walking on! The lightings got quite boring after awhile because they were the same over and over and some people started leaving through the exits of the expressway. I wonder how they tracked the timing because there was no if not little demarcations for the 5km Walk & 10km Run.

Towards the last 2.5km, Ryan and I left Roger behind and ran towards the finish line (Eh..Roger said he was tired and told us to run along and that he will meet us later). We ran pretty fast I must say and the lane for the 10km runners were all pretty clear already so when we finished....we collected the goodie bag meant for the 10km runners! HAHAHAHA....I compared with Roger's and there was really no difference anyway...DUH!

Ryan was supposed to be doing the 10km run but because it was my first walk/run event, he companied me..SWEEEEEET! And Roger! You did well too! Waking up early for some exercise!! Don't forget our Tue/Wed run..HAHAHA..

So yah..there you have it...that pretty much summed up the morning for you...thereafter we headed back to Kovan for Macdonalds Big Breakfast!!! SLURP SLURP!! Aiyah..don't say all that exercise is for nothing leh....very hungry lah!!

Half Dead

Today is Friday. Aren't Fridays supposed to be happy and relaxing? I guess it's been a long week and sleep wasn't enough to bring me to life on Friday!!!!!!!! It is a slow moving day with a trip down to the Basement at work to review some archive matters. At least there was some elvator travelling other than sitting at the workstation all day. My buddy Roger is also half as dead, his face looking worse than ever and scratching his eyes so much they seem to want to pop!!! And his tummy...GOSH!! hahahahaa...mine is not doing any better. It's growing too.......FAT!!!! HAHAHAHAH

Today is also assignment due day for one of the modules. As it is only a simple electronic submission, it ain't that bad. Saturday will be stay home day to continue with the next assignment that will be due soon in order not to let things become a rush job like how it always does. There's class tonight. I really want to go home and not attend class so I can catch up on my rest but it's one of my favourite modules I must say and the most difficult because of the calculations within - ACCOUNTS!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHiHH!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stand accounts. I only secured a PASS which was really good already because I never had background knowledge during my education years. Perhaps it is just called self consolation.

Today is gym day with dear before class. I officially end work at 5.30pm but I was late for work today - 8.55am. Oh HACK! I will still leave at 5.30pm so that I can reach the gym at 6 and workout till 7pm and head to class after a quick shower. I am feeling so lazy and tired that I wonder if anything can be done at gym today. I brought the gear and shoes and yes a pretty heavy bag indeed but let's not waste it hur? Gym is a must considering that I've been stocking up on my mooncake calories for the past week; at least one whole mooncake per day with additionals from colleagues and vendors.

So ya...that sums up the first half of the day. The second half will be a fire fighting process with some IT department. Users and technical specs...NEH! Doesn't complement very well. Time to solve miscommunications and misunderstandings if any. I am gonna grab ma lunch now. Hunger pangs are coming in waves. I will try to control the diet though it won't help especially when my stomach calls for food.

Looking forward to Sunday! KPE Run...but dredding the waking up in the morning at 6am!! DARN!

Your Fault? My Fault?

My topic for blogging today is about pointing fingers, not that any has happened to me recently but really, I know this happens all the time and I will say that most of the time it is because of some communication break down. It applies to friendship, relationships and marriages. I remember reading off somewhere about a marriage breaking down. Apparently, it is already in the process because the couple cannot keep their hands off other people! Affairs! They really break down relationships. Why do it you might ask? The thrill? Exciting isn't it? Yeah, for a start they are. And when thrills become involvement and cannot do without, this is when things can turn ugly especially for married couples. I won't dare to say it is less for dating couples but married couples made a vow..till death do us part...what happened to that? Maybe we should change this so-called vow to till affairs do us part. Oh! Wouldn't that sound so much better? Or even couples who want to continue playing after getting married can choose the vows to suit the status of the relationship? How about it? What happened to the days when marriages and relationships were taken seriously? WHAT HAPPENED???? I know I shouldn't sound noble and all because we all have a past. We let it go and move on and learn from the experience. We shouldn't repeat the same mistakes. But why keep harping on things when one has already taken that step to separation and divorce? It is odd that only when things happen and break down will people start taking things seriously and hope to patch the pieces back. Sure you can, but the scarring remains. It is a fact. It is reality. It is just no turning back. Then when one cannot find the answers, the blame game begins! The war of the fingers until one backs down and then the other starts calling names. How convenient!!

Now Now..don't worrie...nothing's happened to my relationship..I just read off somewhere about this point-finger issue and feel so irked I cannot help it!!! I just gotta pen it here!! AHHHHHHHHHHH....

Seriously man...the gal has issues!! The guy as well and he doesn't talk much..and just lets her guess..he gives ambiguous answers and she keeps assuming!! Bad combination don't you agree? Nothing comes out of it. If the decision has already been made, the affairs all breaking lose and coming out from under the carpet, then let it all out and move on...you cannot unchange things isn't it? Start afresh...how fresh can you get? The scars will always be there..one time...two times..how many times can you cheat and never get found out? One must be that STUPID to think that. And after cheating and getting found out, you want forgiveness? Woooo....I'd say it's best to just back down, shut up and run away..if your affair wants you...perhaps it's better that way...

I wonder what controversial comments I will get from this entry....so people...fire away!!

Mid-Autumn Celebration at East Coast Park

Mid-Autumn Celebration at East Coast Park - 6 September 2008

A simple say-it-all title which doesn't require much elaboration except that it poured cats and dogs till about 3 in the morning! Fortunately, all the raw food had been cooked at the quickest speed ever for BBQ!!! The wind was gusty and the fire burnt strongly. We do not need to fan the fire using paper plates like in other BBQ occasions. Or so we thought that the rain will not come because the wind seemed to be blowing the clouds in the opposite direction. The sky was blazing red and isn't it supposed to be red sky = no rain????!!! Or was it the other way around because it soon started storming while we ran from shelter to tent. It was very comical because we did shift everything to a nearby shelter thinking it would rain. And after 30min when it didn't, we shifted everything back to the pit....only to suddenly have rain drops falling on our heads getting harder and angrier each time...and we realised we ought to take cover at a huge tent set up slightly further away. Well, the food did get 'wet', together with all of us, sceaming and yelling as we all ran for the tent. I brought the camping light with 4 new batteries and sad to say, it died on me, probably short circuit when it got wet. It was so dark and we'd to make do with whatever we have. A moon-gazing affair with lanterns became candle-in-the-wind. HAHAHAHA.There were chairs and tables there and we placed all the food there and sat around the table drinking late into the night. Lo and behold...we've two new 'Merlion' winners!!! They are non other than David and YangShun!! WOOOOOOO!!! The two that crowned Joyce as the 2007 Merlion now became one themselves!! HAHAHHA....M sure Joyce was smirked the whole time but who wouldn't be after getting laughed at time and time again? I wonder how things will be in class tonight..will there be any embarrassment? HAIYAH..I am sure the two will be too thick-skinned to feel a thing!! HAHAHAHA....

Whatever it was, it was a great night with lots of laughter and screams and shrills!! Sorry to all who'd to put up with the 3 bitches - me, Joyce and Su!!! I know we were super high and talking so loudly and laughing like a hyena but we were just enjoying ourselves too much and over-crapping. And yes, we were quite rude in shooing some of you away because we really couldn't fill you in on some dirty little secrets of ours that dated way back....If you do read ma blog, please accept my apologies...don't hate me k?

Brandon, nice of you to send David and gang back. Yeah, luckily we didn't allow David to drive after all that booze. Hope everyone had fun and it was a 'whirlwind' affair that night cum wee morning! Perhaps if it didn't rain it could've been more fun, but m glad it was an organised, amazingly enjoyable and 'high' event and most importantly, a showcase of outstanding class spirits and cooperation!

And not forgetting, the many photos of our gatherings to live by!!!

Sleepy Friday

Good Morning to me!

Wake up already! Boarded the train for work with my huge 'ninja turtle' bag that always gets in the way of commuters. A packed train with little space to move around not because it was superly packed but rather people not knowing who to make more space for other people. The newer trains have the bars (in between cabin connectors) removed; I believe for a simple reason to allow commuters to stand further in from the doors 'for the convenience of all passengers'. And no, people don't really think that way and have an imaginary bar in front of them or something so they refuse to move in, or budge when I try to go through. Perhaps they don't understand my body language when I peered inwards to find space and feel that I should just stand where I am and not move so much. I was nice because I was sleepy and the mind just didn't wanna argue so I asked this lady with a face of blank beside me: "Can I go through?" She did make way for me reluctantly after giving me dagger stares. I bet she must be feeling sleepy too because the weather is simply too good for slumberland and not the push and shove train ride on a Friday morning!!!! URRRGHH!! I share the same sentiments, lady!

I was glad that the lady standing next to her was more considerate and shifted towards the 'cabin connector' (ok, I really don't have the technical name for it yah???) . SWEET. And yes, I did wish I didn't have my 'ninja turtle' because it's superly space consuming...yet as luck would have it....station by station the train went...people got off!!!!! HAHAHA..more space for me, myself and the 'ninja turtle' and my umbrella (with the weather so unpredictable these days, one shouldn't take the chance without an umbrella eh?). Ok, I just want to read my book..I am so hooked onto Eclipse - the 'adult' vampire stories by Stephanie Meyer (her first book - Twilight - will be out on the big screens soon! 21 NOVEMBER 08!!).

Forgive the thoughts as they can be quite incoherent and disjoint. Paragraphs of this blog might not connect all that properly but who cares hur? haha

I reached my train destination and bringing the umbrella was indeed a smarty thing...because it was raining and people were stranded at the station. It is odd but every time this happens and I've an umbrella, I start to wonder if I were the one stranded, will people be nice enough to shelter me? Whatever it was and as nice as I am(..HAHAHAHA...)I offered my shelter to a lady..of course I chose the prettier one (ok..it sounds perverse but I am just being honest!!)...sweet looking and petite..who was friendly and we striked a short but pleasant conversation when we crossed the road junctions to our offices. She thanked me and I wished her a happy friday and I must say...a pretty good start to our day!

You might think I am crazy but as much as I hate my work..I love it...for my colleagues and friends. It will be a slow day but I am waiting for the end of it..not because it is the end of a work day but rather, time to meet Dearie Pants for gym and dinner!

Awaiting impatiently for tonight and the BBQ tomorrow! CHEERS!

It's Raining Friends

It's been raining non-stop this evening but bringing away the heat is one thing and raining at odd hours and wierd intervals....seriously can make people sick!! Yet, my goodie frens and I never fail to have a good time taking photos..yes cam whores I am...and with my new blog skin and happier entries...I just need to store them in here and write about them in case this new found blogging interest wears off and it hits a lull. Suddenly I feel I cannot seem to put the thoughts into words when it comes to happy entries. I wonder why. Could it be that I have been penning awful feelings into words? Whatever it is..time for a change hur? After years of tears, heartbreak and near depression, life is short and what more to live it to the fullest and be happy with each moment in time? HA! My philosophy of a contented person.

Anyways..here're the photos I intend to show u....Roger and Rachel and me! YIPPIE!

Cute and huggable friends to help me get through the toughest days at work. Appreciate your love, care, patience and fantastic sense of humor!

Name 'Bloggering'

From today onwards, this blog will contain many things other than emotions. For one, I have a colleague right now who is bugging me on a blog name for his blog. YES HIS BLOG!!! And I have to wrack the brains to come up with names for this choosey one. It is tough to come up with a name because most of it are already chosen and unavailable. My colleague is still trying to come up with a suitable name...I bet he is gonna sit here till the end of the day and still fail to find a name for his blog!!!! Goodness Gracious! Is it really so difficult? Let me give you some of the names he came up with:

Contributing Prohibiting Fun
Blogspot
H20
Morethanwords
Text
Roje
RonaldoChristiano

And well, the rest are pretty rude and vulgar I must say. Oh oh...and...after finding those that are available, he will make comments that they are stupid and then the cycle repeats itself...try punching in a few names, check availability, find them silly and redo it over and over again.

Finally!!! He has settled on a name!!! Now another vicious cycle starts - the title of the blog!!!
He is telling me he has yet to decide on the blog address and the title of the blog. One tough nut to crack...well, almost literally..haha

It is indeed a 'name bloggering' affair!!

K...time to go..help the damsel in distress...

----To me, a very bimbotic & brainless entry for ma blog---

Something Different

Ok...I must say this but the skin looks terrific! Thanks dearie pants for uploading it! You are indeed smartie!! Sucha cute doggie sitting up there with the tongue sticking out..hahahaha...

And yes, a different blog from all my past entries....definitely a happy happy one!

WAGGIE TAIL!!!

WOOF

The Psychology of the Mind

Horror flicks.

What makes a good horror movie? Is it subjective? Is it considered good when each and every image is imprinted in your subconsicous? Tough to understand and difficult to erase once planted in the mind. For me at least.

The love for gore intrigues me. Never understanding why but watching them in the late of the night builds the excitement. It was to the extent that I got bored because of the dozens and tons of uncensored grotesque films I have seen over the years. It stopped after some time. Now, asking me to watch any again can just bring me goosebumps and wild imagination, causing terrible unrest and sleepless nights. Why is this? Why now? Why me?

Insomnia - 'prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep' (from http://www.m-w.com/) Could it be because of the recent horror show I watched? Or it was originally stress and the movie just made things worse? I do not know. I want to find out. Sleepless nights have been stressful enough. Closing my eyes see nothing else but the scenes from the movie coming to live; in front of my eyes and disappearing to the back of my head and then repeating over and over again. Is the mind too weak to control the thoughts now? Was it even strong to begin with? Then why the ability to conquer in the past and not now? Could that be the reason why I have not been watching such shows anymore? Why did I even succumb to the peer pressure to go ahead with the show? Too many whys, again.

I prefer light now. I hate the darkness. Staring into the ceiling in the dark of the night drives my mind wild and crazy.

Think happy thoughts now, I tell myself. Think about the funny movies I have watched before, I tell myself. Chant. Look forward. No..stop, don't look back. Stop those freaking ugly faces from the show...get them out get them out!!! Turning the lights on. Suddenly, the area is brighter, less frightening, less imposing. What is coming after me? It's all in the head. It is a psychological battle against me, myself and I. It is as if I have gone back to my childhood days where thrillers, action movies, horror, gore, easily imprint themselves and give me the worst nightmares. I don't want to dream. I want to stop all these. Fear. Acknowledge it, the psychiatrist said. Don't turn them away. The more you run, the harder to escape.

Perhaps I should stop thinking altogether. Make myself busy. Tire the brains out. Relax. Listen to soothing music. Medidate. Do whatever it takes. Calm the mind. Ease the tension. Stop the pain.

All the thoughts rushing back again....

Go away..please...go away...

Tearing through my heart

I feel so sad I don't know why. I feel so lost I don't know why. Perhaps I can feel your confusion and your pain. Perhaps I am thinking what will become of us. I feel hot streams rolling uncontrollably down my cheeks. What am I going to do when you choice isn't what I expect? Is it your choice anyway? Could there be no other alternative? Now that I am also involved in that decision you soon will make, will it make it harder? Does it make you feel any better that I will support you in anyway? I know how hard it is with obligations. Yet you are not able to do anything about it because money is the issue? Without money, there can be no more studying; you might just need to resort to taking up the work or bum around at home. Perhaps you are now in the dark and cannot find a light to it. I don't know why you kept telling me to talk to you and that we can share about anything. Yet it doesn't seem that way for you. I just want to close all my doors again. I don't know what to do. Where is my support when I keep giving mine? WHERE? WHERE ARE YOU? Can't you see that while you are suffering inside, I am too? Could my parents be right? Relationship can wait. Why should I be serious with you now? Wouldn't it be affecting me? I feel that I am the one that make all your decisions so difficult because whenever you want to do something, I am there to stop you in your tracks and ask what if...
I feel so sad I don't know why.I feel so lost I don't know why..can you be there for me now? Please?