Not good enough

There are times in my life I feel i am not good enough.
I often ask myself why do I not have those nice long legs? Why do I not have sharp features? Why am I not clever or well endowed since I do not have either legs or smoldering hot looks?
When questions like these come up I feel a point of low, a lack of self confidence and esteem. I feel inadequate in society and right now I feel tired trying to keep up with maintaining my body and my looks.
Today a colleague said I am looking "shag". I mean it is the end of the day but he went on to say I am looking more shag than ever. It is only the start of the week. Shouldn't I look refreshed?
Where did all my energy and youth go?

ADHD

Although undiagnosed, I believe I suffer from ADHD.

Based on most research articles and reports I have read, it is common in children but they tend to grow out of it. When I was younger, I remember getting canned for being inattentive and always losing focus. Even if I knew I had ADHD then, it was a taboo topic, like depression. So I grew up, and as an adult now, I am still easily distracted, unable to focus like my peers and more often than not, have a goldfish memory. People who do not understand feel that I am not making an effort to remember or simply do not care.

I know I try very hard. Sometimes too much that I am so tired. Despite the effort, I am still forgetful, distracted and unable to focus. Most of the time, I cannot remember what I said 5min ago which frustrates alot of people who are unable to fathom what it means by having ADHD.

According to Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D, NCC, a psychotherapist who specialises in ADHD, "Forgetfulness is related to the executive functions in the brain — processes which help us manage, organise, and disseminate information. These functions also include planning and thinking ahead. In ADHD, these functions are dysfunctional."

I guess the only way forward is to persevere no matter the odds. Fortunately, I am generally a positive person with a do-not-give-up attitude and constantly working my way around my shortcomings. 

Breathe

What I need right now is to breathe no matter how deep the cut is.

Self-worth

I think they call it mid-life crisis. But I am far from 45.

It is strange for me to even feel this way.

I feel ugly. Perhaps this process is called ageing. The skin sags, the dark eye circles get even darker. I don't feel good about myself anymore. Everyday after work, I rush home. Every morning I rush to work. Other days, I rush to gym then to work. Every minute I am rushing. Where is the time for myself? 

I am tired. 

My hair is thinning. It has lost the shine. It looks dead and lifeless. My skin is dry, coarse to the point of scaly. Deep inside I think I am crying. A part of me is dying. 

What am I living for? Where is life's meaning?