The Attachment

Sex on The Beach, Long Island, Kalua. Cocktails. Drinking and more drinking. The night was young. I was out at the pub. I needed to distress. I needed to chill. I needed the company of my colleague and friend. The dungeon seems cold and the air stale. I feel cold and stale. The chills that run down my spine creeps back up again and doesn't go away. The smoke, the songs, the people, the seat, the company. The latter, so sweet, so understanding, so kind, so nice, so shy, so near yet so far. The to be yet not to be. What did it fall into? Why did it happen? Why change? Why must it be the wrong timing? So much bitterness wrapping the forever sweetness, yet it'll take forever to uncover the best within. The lies, deceit, irresponsibilities that I hold dear to myself. The fault lies in me, I blame myself for any mistake I make, blame myself for any shortcomings I have and blame myself even more if those I care for are hurt and when I see the pain radiating from their eyes. Don't hold it all against yourself, they'll say. Accept the changes, accept the pain, accept the fear, accept the mistakes and don't repeat them again. What's past is past, the future is all that we should aim for. Do not anticipate what the future will bring. Live today to the fullest, filled with wonderful memories so that today can become tomorrow's beautiful history. Don't fight life as it always wins. Pain is inevitable and misery is a choice. Of course, most of the time we choose misery don't we? Females in particular tend to take everything more emotionally than guys. We become more illogical and start to get hysterical and cannot compartmentalise. Men, the balance of our hysteria, the root of all evil? (I believe comments will be controversial) Find me the path to happiness. Find me the answers to my ever pessimistic thoughts and feelings. Find me the route to walk through the thorny jungle of superficiality into a clearing of the green pastures where the rainbow lights up the sky. Show me the meaning of being lonely. Show me the meaning of a time off. Show me the meaning of falling in and outta love. Show me the meaning of the complexities in life. Show me how to rid the disarray of thoughts flowing through after all these years when I thought that I've gotten over them. Let it all go they say. Let go and things that you always wanted will come back. Must the challenge always be appreciating everything yet attaching yourself to nothing? The hurt, the pain, the deja vu, it all comes back to haunt, to torture, to flash in front of my already messed up mind. Let it go Serene, they all say, live for tomorrow and not yesterday. ...There's sucha thing as trying too hard... ...You've got to sing like you don't need the money... ...Love like you'll never get hurt... ...You've gotta dance like nobody's watching... ...It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work...

Patience is Virtue

A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired... Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Peace of Mind

Serenity. Peace. Quiet. Dreams become reality and reality becomes a dream. Taking time to reflect on the past is a sad thing when we over indulge in it. Acknowledging the things you've done wrong, felt wrong and spoke wrong, becomes a fear. There it is again. Death. Death of a flower, death of a life, death of life.

Why talk about death? Aren't there happiness anymore? Why ask so many questions about life? Why talk about life? Why discuss such issues that will only result in more unhappiness? Emotions are always women's greatest enemy. Overcoming it without forming attachments are great acheivements yet having no emotions makes women insensitive and probably not understanding. I heard a teaching - Bear no attachments. Learn to release. It seems a daunting task but being able to do it gives you great satisfaction. There have been many things I have learned along the way. Picking up the bits and pieces, the trails, the mysteries, the secrets and unraveling the inner truth about myself. Surprised to discover what I did not imagine I would find or could it be what I wished I did not find.

Stop it now. Going on and on with these thoughts. Foolish yet so Serene. Can I do it? Yes you can. Yes I can! Bring back those happy thoughts and get a hold of yourself! Why drift away and indulge into indefinite things like pinning for the future instead of taking moments by one moment? Biting off a bit at a time and eventually seeing the bigger picture. A painstaking effort but worthwhile. Many things awaiting to uncover. Many things awaiting to be said. Many things still left undiscovered. Not the day for blogging.

Stop it now. Yes you can....yes you can....

The First

A sea of black, brown, golden brown, red bobbing up and down in front of me. I sat there quiet and alone. My thoughts ran and the emotions got overwhelming. So many questions and no answers. Someone was speaking in front of everyone else. Nothing made sense, nothing I could understand. Everything seemed new to me. The surroundings were made up of people and more people. The furniture was wooden and old. The transparencies flashed again and again. The speaker standing in front carried on till suddenly..everyone stood up and there it was again, the display of colourful tresses. Then there was a familiar tap on my shoulders. It was the familiar face. All settled down again. So it has begun. The first day of school.

Once in My Life

My blog. The prelude. Should it be something special? Should it simply be just a one single word? Blogs...your opinions and feelings...your heartfelt emotions. My first.