Set Me Free

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I am going through, Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I am not in love with you

And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much, Tonight
If it's just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I am not in love with you

Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Lying with you baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me

If I am not in love with you
What is this I am going through, Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want like I do

If I am not in love with you


Am I true to you, the way I really feel. Have I told you all the regrets that hurt, the mistakes I've made, the wrongs I want to make right. I want to rid how crazy I've become, to have a fresh start, to hold a different perspective, to know how you feel, to create a better world for you and me. Why did it all turn out this way? The mess I've made. Forgive myself for the torture, pain and guilt. The deceit, the lies. I cannot understand the way I feel, the wild imaginations I have, the paranoia all these makes. You've done so much so far. I drove you away. How sad that is for you and me. But things happen for a reason don't they? You needed me. I ran away. I lived in self denial. You ran too! For awhile. To lead a more carefree life. To pull away from the strings of love & hysteria. You understood how much you loved me then. I kept on trying again and trying. I calmed down. You came back. I moved on, though. Was it too late I ask myself now; if only I could've waited a little longer. But like it always is, we live for today. Today affects tomorrow. Tomorrow the day after and then the future. But tomorrow we can never see, let alone the future. So why not be happy for now, the present, the moment? Reliving the past; it keeps catching up with me. Haunting me, hunting me down. I am weak. Seems weaker than before. Where was the strength I'd? I cannot say no. I have no mind of my own or perhaps I simply don't use it. I never dared to make decisions out of the ordinary. I never wanted to try hard enough. Pushing myself too much, expectations drive me crazy. I fear to fail and so I stop in the middle of my tracks and head backwards, back into the comfort areana I have already travelled and know the route, the familiar one that will never go wrong, for now. Never accepting change. Scared to see what happens after that. Anticipation. Expectations. Expecting how I should feel is a terrible thing. When the expected feeling doesn't go as "planned", I feel upset, sickened, not understanding why it should be so since it seemed to me, at first, that I "SHOULD BE" feeling that way, anyway. How did it ever lead to this?

I wonder if you'll run away again. I seem to be tightening everything around you once more. I know that to love someone is to set them free. If they come back to you, it's meant to be. If they don't then perhaps not now, not this life. We are all scared to let go. We get too attached to things. When an attachment is lost, we are lost. We cannot find the direction we could see so clearly when we were free. All, right now, is about me, my stupid selfish me, myself and my sorrowful love, my frustrations and my hurt. I am forgetting that no man is an island and all that comes with it. I imagine living in my own misery, my own regrets, my own guilts, indulging in my own self-pity. Be strong I keep telling myself. There'll always be someone there to help me when I fall, not you, not me, not them but someone. When all hope is bleak, all strength is weak, all light is dim, all road is winding, the earth never stops rotating, the world keeps moving, the light keeps flikering, the wind keeps blowing, dreams keep living, moods keep swinging. Nothing stops to wait for me. Only I choose to let everything else stop because I myself stopped with whatever is holding me back. I choose the path of death. Or I can choose the path of life. The path of light and hope and love.
Set me free................

The Love

The Courtship - The Get together - The Blossom - The Game - The Neglect - The Hysteria - The Shrink - The Painic Attacks - The Time off - The Begs - The Tears - The Confession - The Issue - The Chance - The Won't Regret - The Change & more - The Revisit - The Hidden Secrets - The Movie - The Ring - The Pouches - The Engravements - The Hurt - The Pain - The Tears - The Explanation - The Thoughts - The Decision - The Meet - The Further Explanation - The Confusion - The Nostalgia - The Past - The Dreams - The Future - The Final Decision

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I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say good-bye

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say good-bye

It's all Coming Back

There were many life turning events during those 3 years. No more were the lessons interesting. No more were the days exciting. They were all filled with lies and more lies. They were so full of deceit and uninviting thoughts. Why must it be so I often asked myself? How come my world seemed so bleak and depressing? Each day did not see light. Every step met darkness and more darkness. I reached out and hoped to hold something familiar. Everything was like a dream and waking up did not do any good either. Staring into space didn't make it any better. Wierd thoughts just kept coming. Imaginative and unrealistic ones too! Was I thinking too much? Was I expecting too much? What did I really want? So many questions and too little answers. Or maybe I had the answers but never got about putting them into action. Was it a love hate relationship with myself, my parents and my love life? Could anybody see the pain I was going through? 3 years saw me looking for answers to my wildest thoughts and 3 years later saw me giving up on them. There were too many whys and how come? I cannot explain and never can. Nobody could really understand as well. My parents were expecting too much from me though they never really said it directly. I over analysed the situations. Or was I simply too sensitive? Tears were my faithful companions. Anger was a part of me. I did not see my focus in life. I was lost. I just listened and did what people told me to because I felt they were always right. I made myself be used and regretted it. I also used myself thinking it was for the benefit of both and I regretted it. Death became that part of me that I can never let go. Only did I realise that it never really went away. I just found someone and there, let it go again. I stepped into another relationship without understanding or letting myself get over the previous ones. Again and again I let myself into more entangling masses and got out of it by going into another again. Finally it seemed that I got myself free from it all. And then it all came back to me.

The Issue

The cause of all the heartaches. The cause of all the heartbreaks. The cause of all the affairs. The cause of pain. The cause of them all. It all seems illusioned; like a distant memory that happened once; it's there, it had been there, it happened, it nearly ended, it happened again and then it finally ended. Is ignorance bliss? Not knowing what the reasons are will be equal to not telling the actual line of events? Or maybe if I hadn't done what I've done, yours wouldn't have seemed so much more trivial. Or maybe if yours was more serious, mine wouldn't have seemed so over the hedge. Isn't it always the case? You can do it but I cannot; I can do it but you cannot. To think that it's over but I guess not. I guess I don't believe it was a simple as it is & to settle the issue just like that doesn't even require time. In fact, if nothing really happened, it doesn't even require settling. You even blamed me for causing the issue. If you had known what I've done would it be so forgivable then? Perhaps you are right, it won't last long even though I've chosen to be with you. Guilt and trust will get the better of me & then I will make that choice you were most worried about. I will never tell you about it. It will be too much to lose. Then again, isn't it already considered an eye for an eye? Why can't I just let it go? Why can't you just let it go? Probably it isn't the end of the story. You might have more than that issue to settle & therefore had to ask for about a year's time; hopefully the "thing" will fade on its own. Can it really go back to normal now that everything is supposedly over? You can possibly be right in saying that it wouldn't last. Again I know it isn't that simple. It cannot be that simple. If nothing was going on & it was just "talking" what's there to settle? Sorry seems to be the hardest word right now. Even saying sorry for me is tough. Sorry for what I've done is easier. Now that you're not around, it would be good to evaluate ourselves. It is no longer a test. We've past that stage. And you, another you, why didn't it last? Why must it be this way? Why must we meet? Why must I go hysterical? Why must you do this to me? Why be nice & cold at the same time? Why say sorry? Why keep on saying sorry when it's sucha useless word? It doesn't mean anything at all. You never showed your true feelings. You'd rather keep everything coz you too believe that it's not going to go anywhere so no point hurting. It already did so what is the big deal? I thought it was easy to get over. I thought I got over. I never realised it is worse than before now that you've told me your side of the story and I didn't exactly tell you mine. But I don't believe you. Maybe I am paranoid because I've done worse. And you, you used me & made me believe that it might happen, that hope, that passion, that fire and then the burnt & the scar. It will never go away. How many times must I do this before I learn and admit it's a mistake and never let it happen again? Will I change? Will it never happen? Will it happen? Too many hidden secrets still. Too many left unspoken. Dreams becoming reality and reality - a distant dream. I should be happy. Why indulge once again in these unnecessary stuff? Why look back at the past, moan, groan & be glum about it. You should move on too! Doubt you are anyway. Let your feelings flow; go with the flow. Be true to yourself. Be true to her. Be true to him. Random array of thoughts; silly to brood about; frivolous enough to kill; manipulate the siuation you say. Aren't you just gaining sympathy votes? Stop it, please. You drive me crazy. All of you...So wierd the way things are right now. Like it's not right when all seems to be what, on the surface, the best thing that will ever be. Take a look at me now; it's just a chance I've gotta take. So what is the issue now?

The Fight

The fight to survive

The fight to stay awake

The fight to erase the guilt

The fight to change mindsets

The fight to enjoy

The fight for a lifetime of enjoyment

The fight for love

The fight to care

The fight to understand why

The fight to dream

The fight to die

The fight to decide

The fight to escape

The fight to socialize

The fight to be yourself

The fight to grow up

The fight to rest

The fight to be happy

The fight to be sad

The fight to feel

The fight to desire

The fight to stay alive

The fight to be sure

The fight to be certain

The fight to abstain

The fight to be beautiful

The fight to live life to its fullest

The fight to make it meaningful

The fight to be good

The fight to be bad

The fight to break free

The fight to hurt

The fight to anger

The fight to calm

The fight to worry

The fight to play

The fight for pleasure

The fight for eternal lust

The fight for fame

The fight for you

The fight for me

The fight for them

The fight for ever

The fight to keep on fighting

The fight for strength

The fight for change

The fight to believe

The fight to trust

The fight to lie

The fight to kill

The fight to murder

The fight for freedom

Why are we always fighting to keep alive? Are we really fighting for ourselves or simply how society wants us to be? Do we keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over again and never learning but just improvising on each and every one? Are we really smiling? Are we really happy? The truth is there's nothing more important and no better time to be happy than right now. Challenges in life - better to admit as much and decide to be happy in spite of it all. We must use the mind to get what we want rather than letting the mind use us to get what it wants. We have to assert self control, we have to love ourselves. How many times do we reiterate the latter phrase and then indulge in that moment of "folly"? How many times do we need to fall, pick ourselves up again before standing without crumbling into the thorns of temptations and lust? Is one never enough? Are we never satisfied? We (women) never fail to ask the classic question "Where is it going from here" when bound by the chains of emotions and love. Should we go with the flow or follow our heart?

"Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch, a long, lonely time. And time goes by, so slowly and time, can do so much, are you still mine? I need your love, Oh I need your love, God speed your love to me. Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea, to the open arms of the sea, Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me, I'll be coming home wait for me."

"Promise me you'll wait for me, coz' I'll be saving all my love for you...I need to know you feel the same way too.." Promise me pls...pls promise me...wait for me...pls wait for me......I did so much wrong...take me back pls...let me repent my sins I hurt myself with again and again..The moment of folly..the moment of lust...the moment of fun and a lifetime of pain..

The fight for me, myself and I.

Freedom

Is it true that once there's too much freedom we take advantage of it and want more? Or do we get bored of the freedom we get and want somthing more from life? And we keep on wanting the new things. And we keep on yearning and succumbing to temptations one after another. Is life all about having something new? Or is it enhancing the old and making it more exciting? Or is it just us? Us wanting nothing old but new and improved gadgets, people, lovers, marriages, homes and even parents? Are we afraid of falling behind and losing out? In this competitive environment, nothing can be certain. One minute we take the lead, the next minute we lag. We are all the makings of our own destinies. We set out to become more independent, more exposed to different cultures, different political mindesets, changes in environment, changes in lifestyle. Do we change ourselves because we want to? Or do we get shaped by the changes? When we make mistakes and change, are we really changing for the better or simply trying our very best not to make the same mistakes again? Will we be ready to take on new challenges and lead a happier life instead of chasing after materialism? Expectations. Are we all full of them? Are we lead by expectations? Or do we form them so that we can work towards our goals in life? Do we have too many expectations? And since they're only expectations, why do we get so frustrated and upset when they are not met? Why cry? Why the tears? Why carry on expecting when sometimes we know that things are not going to happen. Why hold on to the edge when we can continue finding alternatives and perhaps more solutions? Why sit and watch the world go by when we can live it? We just don't want strings attached, I guess. When we live it, we have to live with the consequences with the decisions we make. We run away in self denial. We think that no strings attached means a happier life because we get to do what we want without living with the consequences. Who said there are none? Why worry? Why indulge in the negative, self cherishing thoughts? It's always about I and I and I and I. We must learn to think for others more than ourselves. Then again we've to know ourselves first and learn to love our own shortcomings. It's like going around in circles. Tell me the answer, show me the way, take the lead, please, someone. Confusion. Confusion Confusion. All over again. Should I try harder? Should I just sit and wait? Should I continue being nice? Should I find out the reason why things are so cold? Things change. People change. Seasons change. All in the name of love and old flames. Have I fallen once again before standing up? Is love such a bad name? What happened to me being strong? Where is the adamant I wanna break free nature? Where are you? Why must you do this to me? I should be dettaching from you all!! I hate you..you should probably be equally confused. Should you make the move? Should you not? Should I? Should I not? Time..they always say..time will tell. Wait..the waiting game. Is this what is freedom? I call it the chains of freedom.

The NightLife

The smoke. The bad air. The heat. The hots. The bootilicious. The short skirts. The plunging necklines. The dance. The moves. The drinks. The kisses. The imaginary friends. The amazing company. The rich. The poor. The famous. The party. The dreams. The hope. The wish. The money. The treats. The mixers. The rooms. The music. The superficial. The reality. The cars. The chops. The clothes. The skin colour. The assholes. The kind. The wrong. The right. The unbelievable. The phone. The messages. The missed calls. The no-replies. The crowd. The fat. The ugly. The mistakable. The pretty. The nice. The considerate. The bastards. The taking advantage. The boring. The good looking. The attractive. The appropriate. The mis-matched. The sexy. The down-to-the-earth. The dark clouds. The rain. The cries. The screams. The fabulous. The scatter. The brains. The height. The levels. The tables. The sofa. The waiters. The loving. The relationships. The tears. The heart. The head. The mind. The soul. The inferno. The sprinklers. The restrooms. The make up. The hair. The big. The latin. The all-over-the-place. The salsa. The retro. The R&B. The pure. The dirt. The sloth. The jeans. The shirt. The time. The meaning. The lonely. The drowning. The sorrows. The happy. The sad. The useless. The acceptable. The laid back. The understanding. The underrated. The overstated. The mean. The lean. The green. The black. The orange. The red. The neon. The lightings. The ceiling. The private. The functions. The splurge. The savings. The empty banks. The banks. The loaded. The time. The late. The early. The many. The least. The people. The thoughts. The disappearing. The distasteful. The why. The many whys. The many many whys. The forever and ever and ever. The nightlife.

Lonely No More

Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
Words are only words
Can you show me something else
Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way
Show me how you feel
More than ever baby

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now its hard for me with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything; just to get you back again
Why cant we just try

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, what if we were symphonies
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

May we play like little puppies, find true happiness through the ages of innocence, move with agility and fluidity, dance with energy, promise with hope, understand by communicating and love with all our heart.

~Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth

~Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt

~Still a little hard to say what's going on

~Stones taught me to fly

~Love taught me to lie

~Life taught me to die

~So it's not hard to fall

~And I don't wanna lose

~It's not hard to grow

~When you know that you just don't know~

So where is the passion when you need it the most, You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost, cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down, you sing a sad song just to turn it around, you say you don't know, you tell me don't lie, you work at a smile and you go for a ride, you had a bad day, you've seen what you like, and how does it feel for one more time, you had a bad day.

Separate Lives

You called me from the room in your hotel

All full of romance for someone that you met

And telling me how sorry your were, leaving so soon

And that you miss me sometimes when you're alone in your room

Do I feel lonely too?


You have no right to ask me how I feel

You have no right to ask how i feel

You have no right to speak to me so kind

We can't go on just holding on to time

Now that we're living separate lives


Well I held on to let you go

And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show

There was no way to compromise

So now we're living

Separate Lives

Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation

So you build that wall

Yes, you build that wall

And you make it stronger


Well you have no right to ask me how I feel

You have no right to speak to me so kind

Some day I might find myself looking in your eyes

But for now, we'll go on living separate lives

Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives

Separate Lives

The Gift

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on like a fairy tale come true
Sittin’ by the fire we made
You’re the answer when I prayed
I would find someone and baby I found you

And all I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
For the gift

Watching as you softly sleep
What I’d give if I could keep
Just this moment if only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us gray
But baby in my eyes you’ll still be beautiful

And all I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
For the gift

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
Can’t find the words to say
Thank you for the gift

- May we always see the best in life, the goodness in everyone, the optimistic, the bright side of ups and downs.

-May we find the patience on the verge of ragging madness, peace through deadly massacres, determination when working all odds, sweetness in bitterness and above all, love thyself and all other beings when all else fails.

-The path to happiness when one only walks it.

Pondering Thoughts

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmit which may result in separation.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile,"Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. The is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too!

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements pls." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The offier listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cann hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change their bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying that carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectations on changing the spouse's character will only cause disappointment and unpleasantness. Of course it is oh so simple saying all these. It is never easy implementing the actions and working on them. As difficult as it may seem, when there's a will there's always a way, as long as we don't give up.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

"A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me, otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perceptions. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey?" Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented,"How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then they met a young man. He commented,"Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife imediately climbed down and carried the donkey on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge. the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not the present and never will be in the future. Do not be bothered by others' words if our conscience is clear..

Come Away with Me

We convince ourselves that life will be better once we're married, have a baby, then another. Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough, and that all will be well when they are older. Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely we will be happier when they grow out of the teen years. We well ourselves that our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we take a vacation, when we finally retire. The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not, then when? Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.

For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. Real life. But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start. I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life. That point of view helped me to see that there isn't any road to happiness. Happiness IS the road. So enjoy every moment. Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for all, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn....before deciding to be happy.

Happiness is a voyage, not a destination

There is no better time than now....

Live and enjoy the moment!

Now, think and try to answer these questions:

1) Name the 5 richest people in the world.

2) Name the last 5 Miss Universe Winners.

3) Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winners.

4) Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar.

Can't do it? Rather difficult, isn't it? Don't worry, nobody remembers that. Applause dies away. Trophies gather dust. Winners are soon forgotten. Now answer these questions:

1) Name 3 teachers who contributed to your education.

2) Name 3 friends who helped you in your hour of need.

3) Think of a few people who made you feel special.

4) Name 5 people that you like to spend time with.

More manageable? It's easier, isn't it? The people who mean something to your lfie are not rated "the best", don't have the most money, havent' won the greatest prizes...They're the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by. Think about it for a moment. Life is short. And you, in which list are you? Don't know? Perhaps this can help:

You are not among the most "famous", but among those to whom I remember to send this message... Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, 9 athelets, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100m race. The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win. They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying. The other eight heard him crying. They slowed down and looked behind them. They stopped and came back...All of them... A girl with Down's Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, "Feeling better now?" Then, all 9 walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line. The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time.

Perhaps you've heard this story or anything similar over and over again. Well..Deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves. The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race. Passing on what we know, what we feel; perhaps we will succeed in changing our heart, perhaps someone else's heart, as well...

A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.

The Lessons

A boy, ten, most prized possession was his football - he ate with it, slept with it and polished it weekly..instead of his shoes. He knew all about football - but on some other things like, where babies came from, he was a little hazy. One afternoon, he was playing in the street and lost his precious ball. He looked everywhere and figured someone had stolen it. Eventually he spotted a womanwho seemed to be hiding it under her jacket. So he marched up and asked her:" What do you think you're doing with my football stuck up your shirt?" It turned out that she didn't have his football..but that afternoon, he learned where babies came from - and what a woman looks like when she is nine months pregnant. Later that day, he also found his ball. What fascinated him was why he had never noticed a pregnant woman before the age of ten...and why, from then onward, he seemed to be surrounded by them.

We reach points in our life when we are ready for new information. Until then, something can be staring at us in the face but we don't see it.

The only time most of us ever learn anything is when we get hit over the back of the head. Because it's easier not to change. So we keep doing what we're doing until we hit a brick wall. When do we change diets and start exercising? When our body is falling apart - when the doctor says:"If you don't change your lifestyle, you'll kill yourself!" Suddenly we're motivated! In relationships - when do we usually tell each other how much we care? When the marriage is falling apart, when the family is falling apart! In school - when do we finally knuckle down and study? When we're about to fail. In business - when do we try new ideas and make the tough decisions? When we can't pay our bills. When do we finally learn about customer service? After the customers have left! When do we usually pray? When our life is falling apart! " Dear lord, I know I haven't spoken to you since the last time the yogurt hit the fan..." We learn out biggest lessons when things get rough. When have you made the most important decisions in your life? When you were on your knees - after disasters, after knock-backs, when you've been kicked in the head. That's when we say to ourselves:" I'm sick of being broke, sick of being kicked around. I'm tired of being mediocre. I'm going to do something." Success we celebrate - but we don't learn too much. Failure hurts - and that's when we get educated. In restropect, we usually notice "disasters" were turning points. Effective people don't go looking for problems, but when they get smacked in the mouth, they ask themselves:" How do I need to change what I'm thinking and what I'm doing? How can I be better than I am now? " Losers ignore all the warning signs. When the roof falls in, they ask: " Why does everything happen to me? " We are creatures of habit. We keep doing what we're doing until we're forced to change. Mary gets dumped by boyfriend Al. Devastated. she locks herself in her bedroom for a week. Then gradually she starts calling old friends and meet new ones. She soon moves house and changes jobs. Within 6 months, she is happier and more confident than she has ever been in her life. She looks back on the "disaster" of losing Al as the best thing that ever happened to her. Is life a series of painful disasters? Not necessarily. The universe is always nudging us with gentle signals. When we ignore them, it nudges us with a sledgehammer. Growth is most painful when we resist it.

"It's only by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you were looking for."

- Joseph Campbell -

Training for Compassion

With the thought of attaining enlightenment, For the welfare of all beings, Who are more precious than a wish-fulfilling jewel, I will constantly practise holding them dear.

Whenever I am with others, I will practise seeing myself as the lowest of all, And from the very depth of my heart, I will respectfully hold others as supreme.

In all actions I will examine my mind, And the moment a disturbing attitude arises, endangering myself and others, I will firmly confront and avert it.

Whenever I meet a person of bad nature, Who is overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering, I will hold such a rare one dear, As if I've found a precious treasure.

When others, out of jealousy, Mistreat me with abuse, slander and so on, I will practise accepting defeat, And offer the victory to them.

When someone I have benefited, And in whom I have placed great trust, Hurts me very badly, I will practise seeing that person as my supreme teacher.

In short, I will offer directly and indirectly, Every benefit and happiness to all beings, my mothers. I will practise in secret taking upon myself, All their harmful actions and sufferings.

Without these practises being defiled by the stains of the eight wordly concerns, By perceiving all phenomena as illusory, I will practise without grasping to release all beings, From the bondage of the disturbing unsubdued mind and karma.

This Too Will Pass

One of the most priceless teachings that helps with depression, is also one of the simplest. But teachings that seem simple are easy to misunderstand. Only when we are finally free from depression can we claim to have truly understood the following story.

The new prisoner was afraid and very depressed. The stone walls of his cell soaked up any warmth; the hard iron bard sneered at all compassion; the jarring collision of steel, as many gates closed, locked hope beyond reach. His heart sank as low as his sentence stretched long. On the wall, by the head of his cot, he saw scratched in the stone the following words: THIS TOO WILL PASS. These words pulled him through, as they must have supported the prisoner before him. NO matter how hard it got, he would look at the inscription and remember, " This too will pass." One the day he was released, he knew the truth of those words. His time completed; jail too had passed. As he regained his life, he often thought about that message, writing on bits of paper to leave by his bedside, in his car and at work. Even when times were bad, he never got depressed. He simply remembered, "This too will pass", and struggled on through. The bad times never seemed to last all that long. Then when good times came he enjoyed them but never too carelessly. Again he remembered, " This too will pass", and so carried on working at his life, taking nothing for granted. The good times always seemed to last uncommonly long. Even when he got cancer," This too will pass" gave him hope. Hope gave him strength and the positive attitude that beat the disease. One day the specialist confirmed that 'the cancer too has passed'. At the end of his days, on his death bed, he whispered to his loved ones, "This too will pass",and settled easily into death. His words were his last gift of love to his family and friends. They learned from him that 'grief too will pass'.

Depression is a prision that many of us pass through. "This too will pass" helps us pull through. It also avoids one of the great causes of depression, which is taking the happy times too much for granted.

It's Too Much to Hope For

It's too much to hope for a life without pain, It's wrong to expect a life wihout, For pain is our body's defence. No matter how much we dislike it, And nobody likes pain, Pain is important, And, For Pain we should be grateful. How else would we know, To move our hand from the fire? Our finger from the blade? Our foot from the thorn?

Yet, there's a type of pain that serves no purpose, That's chronic pain, It's that elite band of pain that's not for defence. It's an attacking force, An attacker from within, A destroyer of personal happiness, An aggressive assailant on personal ability, A ceaseless invader of personal peace, And, A continuous harrassment to Life!

Chronic pain is the hardest hurdle for the mind to jump. Sometimes it is almost impossible to jump, Yet we must keep on trying, And trying, And trying, Because if we don't, it will destroy. And, From this battle will come some good, The satisfaction of overcoming pain. The achievement of happiness and peace, of life in spite of it. This is quite an achievement, An achievement very special, very personal, A feeling of strength, Of inner strength, Which has to be experienced to be understood.

So, we all have to accept pain, Even sometimes destructive pain. For it is part of the scheme of things, And the mind can manage it, And the mind will become stronger for the practice.

~ Jonathan Wilson-Fuller~

Opening the door of your Heart

Several centuries ago, seven monks were in a cave in a jungle somwhere in Asia, meditating on unconditional love. There was the head monk, his brother and his best friend. The fourth was the head monk's enemy: they just cannot get along. The fifth monk in the group was a very old monk, so advanced in years that he was expected to die at anytime. The sixth monk was sick - so ill in fact that he too could die at any time. And the last monk, the seventh, was the useless monk. He always snored when he was supposed to be meditating; he couldn't remember his chanting, and if he did he would chant off-key. He couldn't even keep his robes on properly but the others tolerated him and thanked him for teaching them patience. One day a gang of bandits discovered the cave. It was so remote, so well hidden, that they wanted to take over as their own base, so they decided to kill all the monks. The head monk, fortunately, was a very persuasive speaker. He managed to persuade the gang of bandits to let all the monks go, except one, who would be killed as a warning to the other monks not to let anyone know the location of the cave. That was the best the head monk could do.The head monk was left alone for a few minutes to make the awful decision of who should be sacrificed so that the others could go free. Who did the head monk choose? The enemy? His brother? The useless monk? The answer: The head monk was unable to choose. His love for his brother was exactly the same, no more and no less, than his love for his best friend - which was exactly the same as his love for his enemy, for the old monk, the sick monk, and even for the dear old useless monk. He had perfected the meaning of these words: the door of my heart will always be open to you, whatever you do, whoever you are. The door of the head monk's heart was wide open to all, with unconditional, non-discriminating, free-flowing love. And mos poignanatly, his love for others was equal to his love for himself. The door of his heart was open to himself as well. That's why he couldn't choose between himself and others. 'Love thy neighbour as thy self'. Not more than yourself and not less than yourself, but equal to yourself. It means to regard others as one would regard oneself, and oneself as one regards others. Why is it that most people will think that the head monk would choose himself to die? Why is it, in our cultute, that we are always sacrificing ourselves for others and this is held to be good? Why is it that we are more demanding, critical and punishing of ourselves than of anyone else? It is for one and the same reason: we have not yet learned how to love ourselves. If you find it difficult to say to another ' the door of my heart is opened to you, whatever you do', then that difficulty is trifling compared with the difficulty you will face in saying to yourself: 'Me. The one I've veen so close to for as long as I can remember. Myself. The door of my heart is open to me as well. All of me no matter what I've done. Come in.' That is what is meant by loving ourselves: it's called forgiveness. It is stepping free from the prison of guilt, it is being at peace with yourself. And if you do find the courage to say those words to yourself, honestly, in the privacy of your inner world, then you will rise up, not down, to meet sublime love. One day, we all have to say to ourselves those words, or ones similar, with honesty, not playing games. When we do, it is as if a part of ourselves that had been rejected, living outside in the cold for so long, has now come home. We fell unified, whole, and free to be happy. Only when we love ourselves in sucha way can we know what it means to really love another, no more, no less. We do not have to be perfect without fault to give ourselves such love. If you wait for perfection, it never arrives. We must open the door of our heart to ourselves, whatever we have done. Once inside, we are perfect.

The Decision

Illusion. Delusion. Confusion. Suddenly, everything becomes clear. Then suddenly again, it becomes mirky and unfathomable. MIust life always be up and down, meandering and straight, dull and exciting, happy and sad? If life is such, should I follow it? Like waves lapping the shore, clouds shifting with the wind, trees leaning towards to sunlight. Should I dwell in the unexplainable? Should I expect the unexpected? Should I even be writing my blogs this way? Why suffer in self pity? Why indulge in misery? Why make myself sad? Why be under the wings of unhappiness & uncertaintity? Why let bitterness overwhelm me? Why not find inner peace? Why not just let things be? Why not let nature take its course? Why not just let things flow? Let things flow....a very familiar phrase. Where have I heard it from? I know where...why should I ask where? Self denial. I am full of it. I imagine myself to be happy, run away from the tormenting whirlwind in the heart and mind, then tell myself to face them all full front and then come to terms with being full of sorrow before starting to realise that it was all but a self fulfilling prophecy. How would I know whether it's the right choice. How would I know if it was right path? How would it be different if I'd chosen a different route? Led a different life? How would the thoughts and feelings change? How would the perceptions be different? Why find myself in a pile of shit and move on to another bigger pile? Why not see the world differently, the path I took as a learning curve, a learning journey, an enriching lifelong experience that each and every individual experiences somewhat differently. We were all brought up differently; each of us are unique. Why not let that uniqueness shine rather than obscure that special part of us with pain and torturing thoughts? We should love ourselves..but what happens when we love ourselves too much? Do we become selfish? Do we become oblivious to others around us? Do we think only for ourselves? Do we become self centred and reserved? Do we start seeing other people's weakness as strength of our own? Do we use others like how we use ourselves; subconsciously? Should we enjoy love on its own or love hatred to gain more love? Is the origin of sorrow, desire? Or is the origin of desire, sorrow? Do the two really interlink? When I am undergoing tremendous pain, are others feeling equally bad or worse? There're people who are worse off; we all go through different things, we start off the same and end the same; it's the process of getting to our destination that is different. It is either we make full use of the opportunity given to us, understand the trivalities in life, appreciate everything around us, accepting the ups and downs, meandering and straight, happiness and saddness or dwell in self pity, self denial, choose to attach ourselves to everything, concentrate on what is missing. Why create the saddness? Why should I create the saddness? Why should I suffer in misery? Perhaps life is happiness. We choose to be happy. We choose to be miserable. We cannot choose not to feel pain because that is inevitable. Just like death. Death is unavoidable. Understanding an emotion is difficult. Accepting it is the utmost challenge. Should one desire more? Or should one be just satisfied? Decisions and more decisions. Or maybe I think too much? Come on, nothing wrong with thinking so much is there? Or is there? So much support. So many friends. How many are true support? True friends? How can we tell? How can we discover? How should we behave? How should we think? In fact, most things, if not all requires making decisions. I havent seen enough of life mayb, to understand its full meaning. I have not gone through enough uncertainties, toughness, complications, extreme downfalls again and over again, to realise that I am infact very lucky. Always look on the bright side they say; why live your life miserably when you can live it happily so that you die in peace? Can we choose how we want to die? We can choose how we want to live..but death...it remains a mystery. It always have been. Then again, why ask questions with no answers? Let time uncover the questionable, the suspicions, the superficalities. Even if our lifetime still give us no answers to the questions we have always been asking, just let it be. We should accept the fact that it is the way it is going to be. There shall be no answers. And because there shall be no answers, there shall be no questions to ask for those answers. When we let it all go, let loose a little, we actually find the answers. The answers to inner peace, quiet and secret happiness. When we fight life all the time, life always wins. Take a step back, reflect on it all; each and every step..look at every step...step by step...step by step..