The Great Leap

Change.

I am leaving for greener pastures. Will it really be greener on the other side?

I have been extremely stressed because of the recent internship saga with the school. No internships, no hotels and just secured a club for the attachment. I guess learn from somewhere as this is a totally whole new ballgame. Let it come. Bring it on.

Complexion as bad as ever due to the past few stressful weeks, trying very hard to earn myself a place in the hotel industry; sending resumes and hoping for responses. Fortunately, it did earn me a few interviews and opportunities to understand this process a little better. It makes me learn again. Never stopped.

One final assignment before the battle for the exams. A tough semester this has been yet again. 4 more months of attachment and the final semester. The last payment in Nov this year and saving up all over as money has been well spent on a course that you can say is my dream and passion. Will I ever succeed? Time will tell.

Rest. Yes, it is time for that now. Enjoy the long weekend! The year is ending. A new one begins.

My Way Your Way

Courtesy begins with me. Or should I say I must give way be it right or wrong. Let me relate an incident yesterday night after a movie at Downtown East.

Narrow pedestrain walkway. Bicycles parked at the right side taking up more space. Left side blocked with wire mesh because of loose soil. The stretch is long and straight. Loud techno music suddenly blasted from behind. Seems wierd to be a cyclist so I thought it was from a car. Continued walking. Reminder - pedestrian walkway. I turned around to look but only saw a cyclist coming from behind and I still thought the loud music was not from him. I stook my ground and didn't give way because it was my bloody right!!! Then...i felt a nudge from a bicycle handle at my ribs. I moved aside before the cyclist with his girlfriend sitting in the front shoved past and yelled:" DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE WAY IS IT????!!! NOT HAPPY CALL POLICE LAH!!! YOUR GRANDFATHER'S ROAD AH? BASKET!!!"

Continued walking. He cycled off onto the road but kept turning back. He stopped at the end where there was an opening. He waited there. Upon reaching where he was, he used his bicycle to block my way and once again opened his mouth:"WALK LAH!!!" Oh sure...of course I just turned left and walked on. He even got his girlfriend to get off the bicycle because he thought that looking for trouble was that easy. I guess only an uneducated MF would do that.

Continued walking. Reached the bus stop. He sped by, braked at where I was, stared at me before finally riding by. So throughout the whole time, there was just one loud voice. He turned off the techno music blasted from the speaker to prove this.

That was it. End of the story. No. No scene except his own was created. In my head were the possibilities that I would've done if I was equally a MF gangster:

Punched him
Push his bike all the way back onto the road and shove it so that he falls
When he rides by, trip him
When he rides by, pull the antenna of the speaker to see it smash into pieces on the ground
When he rides by, give him a good choke and not let go

Yes, I saw all these in my head but No, I didn't execute any of the actions because if I did, I will probably be narrating the incident in court and then to the inmates behind bars.

Thereafter, I was scared. I wondered if he will recognise my face and then later bring his gang to beat me up. I sound like I've been watching too many drama mama shows but well, when it doesn't happen now doesn't mean it won't happen at all. I suppose we've to know not to step on the wrong tail. Sometimes I wish I can just be the guy who just yelled. At least he expresses everything, angrily or arrogantly. Keeping quiet and not wanting to rouse a scene is called being civilised?? Or just not wanting to get into trouble? Which is scarier? Emotional or physical pain? If the guy hit me or I get personal with him by saying his behaviour is usually because he has a low self esteem, lack of confidence, bad childhood or maybe a BAS***D child?

As yesterday's events slowly creep by, I cannot stop but want to help people like that. I never want to believe that they are born this way. I bet nature has everything to do with it. It is sad and this is reality. It is like saying if only everyone has the ability to go to school and receive education and become well bred and good samaritans. Wouldn't the world be a better place? WORLD PEACE!!! Then, where will the odd job labourers comes from? Who will be the rubbish collector? Who will be the road sweepers? Yet we see people rushing for seats on the train. We see people pretending to sleep and taking up the priority seats. When a pregant lady or the elderly comes on board, the priority seats are not given up. Seat warmers and all the inconsiderate selfish mongrels.

With all these sociological differentiations and country's business developments moving a tad too much faster than the people, will we too far behind? If we are not too careful, we might just not be able to catch up and inevitably become a developed and ungracious society.

Decisions

Crossroads ahead. Decisions to make. So what should I choose? What should I say? How should I say? When is the right time? I don't know. I am very stressed up. I have to take a risk should I make the decision I am about to make. I already know the consequences because they are obvious enough and money becomes difficult to solve when there are many commitments revolving around cash flows. Sigh. I want to solve the problem but before I do that I have to make a decision through the weighed alternatives and options. Should I? I feel that my problems should be solved on my own and not rubbed off onto others, burdening them with additional stress. Yet at the same time, with so many things going on in my head, how can I act oblivious to the eminent dilemma ahead? It will only become a dilemma if I let it be because putting it aside is only stalling for time and the problem still remains. I need to give myself time to think. I am given till the end of this week to come to my decision because the following week will be the choice I have made and cannot look back to avoid the possibility of regrets. Good luck to me....I don't know why but suddenly I wish to be left alone...small in the corner of the world without any disruptions..I want to skip classes...I just want to recluse. I want to cry.

It only takes a spark....to confirm everything. Where is it? What is it?

Reflections

HA! It's been 10 days since my last blog! No, that isn't the longest period between blogs but for those who consistently read it, I guess it's time for an update. I recently celebrated my sweet and simple little anniversary with an exchange of couple rings and thank you to all my friends out there who congratulated us and sent us your well wishes!

I am going to take a sharp turn from this blissful image you already have with my earlier sentence to say that while there may be many happy couples out there celebrating their anniversaries, their weddings, their love for each other, there are also those who are having affairs, having one-night stands and going through arduous separations and divorces. It can be one sided where the man or the woman 'suddenly' don't love either party any more which is wierd because there is love at first sight and then everything magical disappears and falls to pieces leaving disaster for those involved. I am always amazed at how strong I've become as a woman and as a person through the experiences I have been through thus far. I know that many obstacles I face should not stumble me but at that point in time when life seems so miserable and we start asking why, those will be the times when we feel that life is unfair and totally unnecessary. Then when that period of unhappiness passes, the sky seems clearer again and our vision less clouded and more willing to take in more light. We will mature along the way and when I tell myself it will soon pass and it is just a wave where there are highs and lows in life, I will be more positive and not dwell in my own misery because that is not considered loving yourself. Like how I feel that you got to trust yourself, you got to love yourself too in order to be able to love others whole heartedly without reservations. It is up to individuals because love is a very controversial issue.

I am being very emotion-less here and I really do not know if it's because of some of what I've gone through before and the different kinds of people I've met - their lives, listening to them, understanding their problems, but honestly, sometimes we should take a step back and reflect on ourselves. We can treat ourselves to a nice and quiet time at home, at the beach...just be with ourselves and enjoy! I realise that we can give all we want to the one we love, but slowly, giving becomes routine without us knowing it. And subconsciously, we expect to have something in return. Even if we don't, the routine of giving without getting anything in return will slowly turn to a repulsive, negative feeling. And then after some time, we will question if that is love? I could be wrong but we all feel differently anyways and I won't fault anyone who share different thoughts from me. I am open to your opinions should you have any.

Life is short. Really!!! We should make use of every moment and cherish the decisions we make. Of course, we look into our options and make decisions that don't destroy our lives like robbing a bank to prove we can do it, murdering someone to show we are cold-blooded, you know what I mean right? Again, different people different perceptions of enriching and meaningful lives. So for me, as long as I am happy, I know the decision I've made is right for me. Don't regret. Just learn from painful lessons should there be any and move along. East? Yeah...you got to dare to take the first step and try.

I am glad to have someone who can share every moment with me. We can be friends, lovers, buddies, enemies, strangers all at once. I will consider this special because it is not the norm and quite difficult to explain in words. I emphasize again that as long as I am happy, that is all that matters. Be true to myself and my heart. Think before I speak and don't take things for granted.

To continue from my 23 September 2008 blog, I did the run again with my colleague at 11.50am. We headed towards the same route (Marina Bay) except longer this time and he told me I ran 4km today. I am pretty amazed at the endurance level today because the heat is excruciating though not as bad as the first run where I was already not feeling well and extremely heaty yet after the run still went straight into air-con environment and caught a cold; a bad one I must say because I went down with a fever and not knowing that I did!!! I was that SMART!! hahahahahaha Ok..I know I am not supposed to but I am as stubborn as a mule lah.....and forgetting I was already not feeling well....and etc etc etc..so today, I cooled down after the 35 min run at the carpark and showered. The hot water doesn't come out right because the pressure seems wrongly adjusted or something...it was a scorching day!!! Water was a must..because I couldn't stop perspiring....so I knew that the body heat was not trapped within and that fever will not repeat itself..hahaha..It feels good after a run...it works for me all the time.

Dear told me to try different running styles so that different sets of muscles are worked. And yes, I admit that I wasn't as receptive as before to propositions but true enough...the exercise guru is right!! hee hee hee...gotta be careful too because of the ankle....and I will not go into that because if I do, the blog will never end lah...HAHAHA...I am proud of myself for finishing the 4km run without stopping and keeping a consistent pace with my colleague throughout. Whether or not it's for Sports day (up and coming company event), exercise is key to a healthy lifestyle other than a balanced diet!!