A Special Day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BABY CHEE !!!

When you are in love

When you are in love,

it is like a walk in the park
there is nothing that can't be solved
amazing things happen
sparks fly
hugs and kisses are never enough
two hearts beat as one.

It is only a number game

Sometimes I wonder if I should be honest in my blog. I mean, not that I have never been but there are somethings that maybe others prefer to be discreet about.
Today, I feel that age just caught up with me. I remembered I drew up a plan in my head during my younger years; to marry at the age of 26; have kids by 30 and have a good career going for me. It was a good dream coming to think about it now. I am 29, ok almost, not doing something I really want and also not married, let alone have kids. I wonder how long this phase will last.
I know I am ambitious. Somewhere within me is still aggressive, still yearning to do more with my life, aspiring to earn lots and be debt free.
I would say the biggest regret was to enter into a corporate board a little too early and not given the opportunity to ggrow, bogged down by processes and bureucracy, stiffling my creativity. Now I am nowhere. No experience well enoguh to render me a higher position, no company willing to give me the opportunity. Maybe the regret should not be the first job but the wrong course of study during uni days.
so now what? Start all over since after all, they always say the sky's the limit and age is only a number? Easy to say when you don't've plans to settle down, have kids or worry about your finances in the long run.

All of it gives me stress. Day by day, year by year. Sigh..

I Know What Love Is

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection" ~ Teachings of Buddha

I know what love is when I find someone I cannot live without.
I know what love is when we are apart, our hearts still beat as one.
I know what love is when we forgive our mistakes and move on.
I know what love is when you look at me.
I know what love is when you hold my hand.
I know what love is when you kiss me.
I know what love is when you comfort me.
I know what love is when you shelter me from harm.
I know what love is when I recollect how we first met.
I know what love is when you tell me that I am the best thing that has happened in your life.
I know what love is when I am with you.



This is love.



I Love You.

Fear

As I go to bed with a heavy heart and with tears in my eyes, all I can think about is the fear within. The fear of losing, the fear of ending up where I started, the fear of just living in my past and never moving on, the fear of not being able to stay sustainable in life, the fear of saying the wrong things, fear that I am simply not good enough.

sometimes, when fear consumes you, you are left helpless and not know what to do. You want to tell someone about how you feel but it is difficult to spill the beans. I am choosing the best way I know how - blog. Blog about an emotion that can spin out of control when the mind is weak.

I might be losing my focus in life suddenly. It is this sense of lost in direction that makes me wonder which path to take next? Will choosing the wrong one bring me times of darkness and change I may not be able to accept?

I am so unsure right now. I don't know where to go from here.

Reality Bites

Life goes on after PAP forms the government once again.

Will things be different 5 years from now?

Of course! No question about it. What will be different?

1) Increase in food prices
2) Increase in GST
3) Increase in ERP gantries and rates
4) Increase in transport fares such as bus fares, train fares
5) Increase in housing prices

How much money do I need to

1) hold my wedding?
2) start a family?
3) have kids?
4) qualify for a HDB flat?
5) buy furniture, TV consoles, TV, air-con?
6) renovate my room?

Will money be ever enough to pay for all of these? Do I need to work to my grave?

Suddenly, burning questions turn into stress and stress turns into tears because I ask myself - is money all there is to life?

My stand - money does not buy happiness, at least not mine.

I am feeling appreciative

I doubt we will never understand how our mothers brought us up; or maybe I just don't.

I have never seen eye to eye with how she views the world; I have never seen eye to eye with her definition of handsome men; I have also never seen eye to eye with how much emphasis she placed on education.

I have never seen eye to eye with her. Period.

Yet she is still my mum. Someone who gave up much, sacrificed much of her life to have my sister and me. I believe I was the more mischievous one who needed more attention, more patience, more scoldings and caning. I loved playing truant. I never learnt from my mistakes. I just found new ways to repeat them. I did that because I never felt the reasons satisfactory to stop making those mistakes. She tried so hard to shelter me from "evil". I tried so hard to expose myself to it. I lived with one motto then, young and eager to please peer pressure - if I don't learn the hard way, I will never learn at all. How smart was that? I'd say VERY. Because I know that all the rules I went against, all the consequences I was met with, the experiences were well learnt, well lived.

There were more times I disappointed my mum than made her proud. Everything she advocates as good, I treat as bad and does it all reverse. A devil indeed. I hated her ways of snatching away my childhood by brutally and literally burying my head in assessment papers, 10-yr series and more 10-yr series. Imagine there was a 20-yr series.

And then there were the "no boyfriends till you finish studying" naggings. OH BOY! I thought it was easy to wait till I was what? 21!! When I officially become and adult, when I have my "freedom". You kidding or what? ME??!! 21 years old then have boyfriend?!!! PFFfftttt! Obviously, I had to experience what "love" was. So happily, I found my first puppy love at 16, and went on to have more boyfriends till I started to ask "What does love actually mean?" and somehow many things my mum advised me years ago resurfaced from my sub-sub-subconscious. I started to take things from her perspective. I understood that she came from a different time, a different era. All she was doing was just imparting conservative traditional Chinese values to me. All she was doing was to show me what is considered "correct" and "good" from her point of view. All she wanted for me was the best - in her own way.

Today, I see alot of me in her. One thing for sure - cleanliness. Hygiene - oh well, I am trying. HA!

At almost 30, I wonder how my future kids will be like - ME??! Goodness gracious! How much energy I would need to tame them. I have a wish. I hope my parents will be around to see them grow up. Yes, I used the word "them" which also means "more than one".

Growing up, I spent more time with mum. When I have grown up, I spent more time with dad. Both playing huge roles in my life.

I know I will never be like you, mum and dad. I didn't grow up in an environment where these 3-words were spoken freely. But here, right now, I have to say I LOVE YOU. Thanks for being there through good and bad times.

May Day Weekend

It has been a long weekend indeed. One week was Good Friday and then it was the Labour Day Weekend. How wonderful. I wish the holiday wouldn't end so soon.

Work has been tiring. A good break was all I needed to regain my energy.

And then there's off in lieu for Polling Day. All that hype on the candidates. I am more interested in my 25-27May short getaway with Baby Chee.

For now, I will be patient for another 2 weeks before we start packing our bags and off to sun, sand and private pool. HAHAH.

Tilllll-Dii-Doooooooo!!

p.s. I am in need of that infamous chocolate shake Baby Chee makes.... *slurps*

Double Whelmy

Twice in a day.
It's tough.
I don't know what to think. How to think.
It is like I can't take a breather.
Everything requires my attention. Everything requires my time.
I can't take it. I cried.
I tried to take things with a level head.
I wished there was more time. I wished I had all the money in the world. It could solve so many things.
I am so tired..i need to find peace within.
The path to happiness..suddenly...it is no more...

Will You Leave When I Need You Most

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone
And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side

I would never leave when she needs me most
What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone
Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

Bow Wow Wow

Hello Charcoal Boy!

Thanks for being there when I needed you!

WOOF WOOF!

Crazy Love Twirl

I love the way you touch me, and the warmth of your hands.
I enjoy it when you wrap your arms around me, like how the waves hug the sand.
I know you will be there for me, even when the sun stops shining and darkness clouds the land.
I picture our future together, every now and then.
I need you always, till the very end.

I dedicate the above to you baby, even when nothing makes sense. = P

I am feeling too good

Michael Buble Crazy Love Tour
Singapore Indoor Stadium
9 March 2011, 8 pm

Baby and I totally dig it; singing along to our favourite tunes and dancing to the up tempo rhythms.

Michael Bublé has such tremendous stage presence and audience appeal it can just melt any woman's heart. He is indeed a charmer and a crooner.

Thank you Baby Chee for this wonderful birthday present. It was worth every cent.

What makes your biological clock tick?

Sometimes when you see grandparents and their grandchildren on the train, does it make you feel that you'd want kids?perhaps it depends what you are feeling then or the situation you are in.

would age have a strong play in this? What do single middle aged women feel about being unmarried? Though many would say thaat they won't need to have kids to be happy, is that usually true? I mean, is there one moment in their lives, yes, one moment, where they feel the urge to bear children?is there a sign that your body somehow knows it's at its prime to mate? To carry on the bloodline?

What happens when you hear wailing kids?does it wash away all thoughts about even having kids?mothers always say there's a different joy children bring. It's also a different phase in life this thing called motherhood. How old is too old to have kids? Is it easier rearing animals than kids?

I do not know what makes my biological clock tick. What I do know is with kids come a life long commitment. I can't imagine the sacrifices. Bt i'm willing to try...in time..

A Mucous Laden Brain

I don't know why.

But I just want to lie down and cry.

Love is Strength

I am pleased to share that I have now progressed in my strength training components. Soon, I might just be posting a video on facebook to showcase it.

13 February 2011

Deadlifts

3 sets of 3 reps

18.75kg + 18.75kg + 20kg (OB)

Squats

3 sets of 3 reps

11.25kg + 11.25kg + 20kg (OB)

Actually, my objective is to do a pull up. I attempted a pull up with the assistance of Baby Chee. Slowly but surely, I should be able to do 1 unassisted pull up in 3 months time i.e. somewhere in May 2011. So watch out for that blog shout out!! : ))

Also, I impressed myself with 2 unassisted triceps dips. Although they were not "full" dips, you should've seen the widest smile on Baby Chee's face. Yes Yes, I know you are proud.. hee hee hee..

14 February 2011

My whole body is aching, especially the arms. I love the feeling and the way my body is shaping up.

Thank You Baby Chee. I am truly loving my workout regime. Look forward to more trainings with you!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

Playmate Bunny loves you

Playmate Bunny



Loves Youuuuuu!!



Have a wonderful year ahead with me!

Gym progress

All my entries have been so depressing and I bet you have to agree.

My improvement in my weight training has been very motivating. So let's see how I have progressed so far for my strength components. I mean at least it is more lighthearted compared to older entries.

On 30 January 2011,

Deadlifts

5 sets of 3 reps

15kg + 15kg + 20kg (OBW)

OBW: Olympic Bar weight

Squats

3 sets of 3 reps

10kg + 10kg + 20kg (OBW)

You can see the major improvement comparing to my previous post a week or 2 ago. All thanks to the arduous training I went through with Baby Chee as my fervent coach. Boy was he impressed with my improvement.

The attempted 10kg for squats was slightly too ambitious but at least I know where I stand.

I will be working out for the last time tomorrow, 1 February, before CNY. My regime will be as follows:

Deadlifts

5 sets of 4 reps

12.5kg + 12.5kg + 21kg (OBW)

Note: OBW has a different weight from the above because i am working out at a different gym

Squats

5 sets of 4 reps

8.25kg + 8.25kg + 21kg (OBW)

Circuits

5 sets of 5 reps for all 3 exercises:

1) Underhand Rows (using OBW)
2.5kg + 2.5kg + OBW

30 seconds rest

2) Bulgarian Front Split Squats
with 5kg dumb bell

30 seconds rest

3) Inclined a notch narrow chested bench press
with 5 kg dumb bells

30 seconds rest

Assisted pull up
Do as much as possible at 30kg assisted weights. DO NOT do to failure

Inclined Pull Ups a.k.a Inverted Rows
3 sets of ladders 5,4,3,2,1 with 15 seconds rest in between i.e.

5 reps, 15 seconds rest
4 reps, 15 seconds rest

so on and so forth

Push Ups (safety pin at 3rd hole from bottom of squat rack)
3 sets of ladders 5,4,3,2,1 with 15 seconds rest in between like above

Finisher
I enjoy my farmer's walk.
3 sets of 14kg dumb bells, 10 burpees

-DONE-

Special note to Baby Chee: Please correct the above regime should you spot any mistake.

After 1 February, get ready to indulge in BA KWA!!!!!!! heh heh heh

feeling this way

I try to hide from your anger and temper.
I don't know when you'll blow up at me,
like the roaring winds and thunder,
I live in constant fear.
Please dry my tears, I beg of you, my dear.

Bad Day

I don't know what came over me today. It just ain't a good day though it was a good hair day. I mean not that I didn't have enough rest. Perhaps it was accumulated sleep debt.
Perhaps everything was all bottled up.
Perhaps my job is getting boring.
Perhaps I am just tired but I do not know it.
Perhaps I am just getting old.

Oh I don't know.

*Scowl*

Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from
Mad women, bad women, that's just what you are, yeah
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya

Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby
But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

My heart

Suddenly, it all stopped.

I just died.

Workout Regime

I guess since I always forget the weights I use for my work out and also the definitions of certain exercise types, I will use my blog to help me remember and then improve my strength along the way.

Tonight at the gym, I am going to do upper body and lower body alternate exercises using an Olympic bar.

Inclined Pull

"Ladder"

5 reps
Rest 30 seconds

4 reps
Rest 30 seconds

3 reps
Rest 30 seconds

2 reps
Rest 30 seconds

1 rep
Rest 30 seconds

Repeat the above for another set if up to it.

Female push ups

4 reps
Rest 30 seconds

3 reps
Rest 30 seconds

2 reps
Rest 30 seconds

1 rep
Rest 30 seconds

Continue with another set

Circuit Training Exercises
A circuit workout combines cardio and strength training if you are short on time. An exercise is completed one after another with little or no rest in between.

5 sets of 5 reps each

1) Full Squats - 1.25kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

2) Shoulder Press - without weights (i might just use a bar bell of 10kg if the Olympic bar proves too heavy for me)
Rest 30 seconds

3) Deads - 5kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

4) Bend over rows - 3.75kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

Finisher

Holding a light weight 1/2kg dumb bells in each hand, do as many burpees within 20 seconds
Rest 10 seconds

Continue above 4 times

WORKOUT COMPLETE

Courtesy of Baby Chee
Thanks for staying up so late for the past 2 nights to drill the concepts into my head