Gym progress

All my entries have been so depressing and I bet you have to agree.

My improvement in my weight training has been very motivating. So let's see how I have progressed so far for my strength components. I mean at least it is more lighthearted compared to older entries.

On 30 January 2011,

Deadlifts

5 sets of 3 reps

15kg + 15kg + 20kg (OBW)

OBW: Olympic Bar weight

Squats

3 sets of 3 reps

10kg + 10kg + 20kg (OBW)

You can see the major improvement comparing to my previous post a week or 2 ago. All thanks to the arduous training I went through with Baby Chee as my fervent coach. Boy was he impressed with my improvement.

The attempted 10kg for squats was slightly too ambitious but at least I know where I stand.

I will be working out for the last time tomorrow, 1 February, before CNY. My regime will be as follows:

Deadlifts

5 sets of 4 reps

12.5kg + 12.5kg + 21kg (OBW)

Note: OBW has a different weight from the above because i am working out at a different gym

Squats

5 sets of 4 reps

8.25kg + 8.25kg + 21kg (OBW)

Circuits

5 sets of 5 reps for all 3 exercises:

1) Underhand Rows (using OBW)
2.5kg + 2.5kg + OBW

30 seconds rest

2) Bulgarian Front Split Squats
with 5kg dumb bell

30 seconds rest

3) Inclined a notch narrow chested bench press
with 5 kg dumb bells

30 seconds rest

Assisted pull up
Do as much as possible at 30kg assisted weights. DO NOT do to failure

Inclined Pull Ups a.k.a Inverted Rows
3 sets of ladders 5,4,3,2,1 with 15 seconds rest in between i.e.

5 reps, 15 seconds rest
4 reps, 15 seconds rest

so on and so forth

Push Ups (safety pin at 3rd hole from bottom of squat rack)
3 sets of ladders 5,4,3,2,1 with 15 seconds rest in between like above

Finisher
I enjoy my farmer's walk.
3 sets of 14kg dumb bells, 10 burpees

-DONE-

Special note to Baby Chee: Please correct the above regime should you spot any mistake.

After 1 February, get ready to indulge in BA KWA!!!!!!! heh heh heh

feeling this way

I try to hide from your anger and temper.
I don't know when you'll blow up at me,
like the roaring winds and thunder,
I live in constant fear.
Please dry my tears, I beg of you, my dear.

Bad Day

I don't know what came over me today. It just ain't a good day though it was a good hair day. I mean not that I didn't have enough rest. Perhaps it was accumulated sleep debt.
Perhaps everything was all bottled up.
Perhaps my job is getting boring.
Perhaps I am just tired but I do not know it.
Perhaps I am just getting old.

Oh I don't know.

*Scowl*

Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from
Mad women, bad women, that's just what you are, yeah
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya

Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby
But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

My heart

Suddenly, it all stopped.

I just died.

Workout Regime

I guess since I always forget the weights I use for my work out and also the definitions of certain exercise types, I will use my blog to help me remember and then improve my strength along the way.

Tonight at the gym, I am going to do upper body and lower body alternate exercises using an Olympic bar.

Inclined Pull

"Ladder"

5 reps
Rest 30 seconds

4 reps
Rest 30 seconds

3 reps
Rest 30 seconds

2 reps
Rest 30 seconds

1 rep
Rest 30 seconds

Repeat the above for another set if up to it.

Female push ups

4 reps
Rest 30 seconds

3 reps
Rest 30 seconds

2 reps
Rest 30 seconds

1 rep
Rest 30 seconds

Continue with another set

Circuit Training Exercises
A circuit workout combines cardio and strength training if you are short on time. An exercise is completed one after another with little or no rest in between.

5 sets of 5 reps each

1) Full Squats - 1.25kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

2) Shoulder Press - without weights (i might just use a bar bell of 10kg if the Olympic bar proves too heavy for me)
Rest 30 seconds

3) Deads - 5kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

4) Bend over rows - 3.75kg each side
Rest 30 seconds

Finisher

Holding a light weight 1/2kg dumb bells in each hand, do as many burpees within 20 seconds
Rest 10 seconds

Continue above 4 times

WORKOUT COMPLETE

Courtesy of Baby Chee
Thanks for staying up so late for the past 2 nights to drill the concepts into my head

30 December

As tears flow, I realised that it is already past midnight. It is 30 December 2010. It is my birthday.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Am I so difficult to understand?

I am bleeding inside.

Everything seems to be eating me alive.

Sigh...what is wrong?

Trouble Bubble Burst

I am non confrontational. And though misunderstandings arose while holidaying in Perth, I prefer to leave it in Perth. I do not want to pursue them. I left them at bay. Or so I thought.

Yet these misunderstandings found a way of following me back home. And as if it was not enough, snug within them were a bag of lies. Lies and more.

So what if it's family? Lies are lies and accusations are accusations. It sours relationships and burns bridges. I wish we weren't there to be part of it. My long awaited holiday did not need such trauma and pain.

I too don't need harsh words. I don't need more lies. I don't need name calling. I find it all childish and mindless and a total waste of time. MY TIME. I don't see a need to pursue further because it is endless. It is CRAP. So go get a life and get the hell out of mine. I don't need anymore trouble.

Down Under and Back

It was a fantastic trip with Baby Chee down under. Aunty Grace and Uncle Chow were great hosts sharing with us many stories and preparing dinner almost every night. Grocery shopping is of course one of the highlights of this 9-day trip other than the most important reason we were there for - Delise's wedding.

We had a few days of "holidaying" before the actual wedding preparation. We visited Harbourtown and shopped abit. Girls' stuff are always on better sale than guys. I got myself a corset, a pair of jeans, round tee neck shirts, high waist belt and also a new bikini, all at relatively cheap prices like less than AUS$20. Just one day of shopping and the rest, grocery browsing where we bought heaps of kangaroo meat + frozen wild berries. Unbelievably cheap! Singapore should really import them. Good for health, high in fibre, low in cholesterol and low in fat.

Building up to the wedding was no doubt stressful but all worthwhile. I am definitely honoured to be the maid of honour. Being there on my cousin's wedding day was a touching affair. I am glad to have been part of it.

See you again Perth. And I love you Hippo Creek!

Down Under

No. I am not down under the weather.

I am going down under!!!!

And that is in 2 days time mind you. I cannot wait for this long awaited trip.

It will be for a holiday and to attend my cousin's wedding.

Stay tuned for more photos on facebook!

Kangaroo meat, lamb rack, beef steaks here I come!!!!

MOoooooooo...Mehh........

BOooooooiinnNNNNNNGgggggggg!!!

So what now? Another Day?

Recently, I have been gorging myself crazy when I am stressed at work or when my relationship goes awry. Most of the time, the latter. I cannot find a better way than to eat and work late at the same time.

I believe it's when I prefer to solve things after the storm is over but my other half wants to settle it there and then. I am someone whose temper subsides almost as quickly as it erupts. Sounds like a good trait if the other party has the same personality. More often than not, by the time I cooled off, my other half's pressure starts to boil. I feel that it's so crappy and shitty. Then everything drags.

I feel that there are pros and cons settling problems on the spot Likewise, there are pros and cons running away from the problem at hand. Many will feel otherwise but if I am not someone who is rational enough when emotional, I doubt it is a good time to do any form of settlement when an argument arises. In fact, it just makes matters worse.

I am so clueless when my partner is such an opposite when it comes to matters like these. Because of our differences, things haven't been easy when we fail to see eye to eye. I get distracted, I cannot concentrate on my work, I keep asking myself why. What am I not seeing? What am I missing? I know we shouldn't let problems accumulate. People say it's best to trash things out. I say it is best to trash things out face to face but how often does life allow that? If things happen at work, can we? If things happen in public, can we? (yes we can if we don't mind everyone else to be staring at us) If things happen at home with family members around, should we? Notice the word used is "should".

I just need to air this out because I have been feeling so outta sorts the whole day at work. It has been such an unproductive day. There's so much left undone. There's so much that needs my attention. So much that cannot be left for another day.

Dear Aunt Agony

I am always making mistakes.
I can never get things right.
The more careful I am, the harder I try, the more mistakes I make.
I get stressed and then flustered and then all I can think of is giving up.
Could it be I never try hard enough?

URGH! I hate myself.

2 months and 3 days later

It was a period to find myself and what I wanted.

I have been job hopping since I completed my second degree in hospitality. I went after that dream, that passion only to realise that the meager pay, irregular working hours ain't for a person like me. Yes I must admit that I love interacting with people and meeting their expectations makes me happy but that is not everything in a job. Eventually I asked myself at this age, where do I see myself in the next 10 years time? Seems like a long time but I assure you that time passes very fast when we count the weeks and months that go by. 4 weeks becomes 8 and then 12 months. Do we remember in detail what we have done just a week ago? It could just be the routines that we recollect.

I must say I was in urgent need of finding a job and earning my keep. I never stopped sending my resumes and burying my head in Saturday's classifieds. There were moments in between where I broke down wondering when I will find something that meets my expectations. Fortunately, I have Baby Chee with me, encouraging me every step of the way, telling me not to rush, not to despair. I have friends who say it is better to spend a little more time finding a job that I will stay in rather than just taking any that comes just because I need one to support my finances. Thanks to all of you, I am still sane.

I took the 2 jobless months to get back on my workout regime, family bonding (I'd dinner home every day to save $$), doggie walks, books (one of which is The Art of Racing in the Rain) and heaps of online video streaming.

And with enough time to rest, I am down with a sore throat. GREEEEEeeeaaaAAAT!

All About Loving You

You know who you are.

: )))

Double Degree..but so what?

30 years ago, attaining a degree is a big thing.

Today, attaining a double degree is not a big thing either. In fact, it is easy to find someone on the streets with an honours degree or even, a masters.

How is the job market like right now? Will it be easier to find a job with a double degree, an honours degree or a masters? Will qualification get you the job you want? Will experience get you the job you want? I believe many will go with "it depends".

For me, I say experience is key. If you have the necessary network, even better! All you need is pull some strings and you are right on track. But how many people are that privileged? Perhaps I should say how many will be principled enough to not use pulling strings to land the job they want? Is it silly when the opportunity is placed right in front of your eyes only to have you turn it away because it was there unethically?

Looking for a job I want and yet does not shortchange me financially comes few and far. Sometimes after finding it, being interviewed for it, there is no offer; not even a second interview. It has only been a month. Many my age might use this time to take a break, regain their career footing. Celebrating my 1 month anniversary being jobless is excitingly stressful. Every night I wonder if the next day will be hopeful or hopeless. When I keep thinking how sad my bank account is right now, I get even more uptight. When I know I have to rely on my loved ones to "survive", I feel at my all time low. I soon start to panic mentally and my chest tightens, a phelgm-like wheezing reaction occurs and I will keep coughing to clear my lungs. It helps to ease the situation but only temporarily. I would like to think it is caused by the erratically changing weather conditions but I never had such symptoms before. Could my already poor immune system be getting weaker as the days go by? I wish I knew what is wrong.

Finding a job isn't difficult. It is finding one I want that is! I will be more positive because I know it isn't impossible.

When negative emotions get the better of you, just take a few steps back, a few more deep breaths, take control and move on.

Vacuumed

I sit blurry-eyed and stared blankly at the computer screen as I type this. I could feel the pair of scissors finding its way into my heart; its continual stabbing until the life is sucked out of me. Why should there be fear? Why can't I open up? I live in my own world. I wonder how long your patience will last trying to explain over and over again to someone who seems oblivious to consequences and what is going on around her. I feel every blow with each sentence though the aim wasn't personal; it was simply just to make me see, see from another angle.

The more I see the things happening, the more I feel so small and brainless. I only can conclude it's plain stupidity. My mum is oh so right this time.

Blaming Me

Self Blame

I read a self hypnosis website that it is not healthy to keep blaming yourself when things go wrong. They said that people who tend to self blame have usually been blamed unfairly when they were growing up. These people also will not take credit or accept compliments readily when things go well. Too much of self blame is cause for depression. Too much of not accepting responsibility also carry its own problems. It is easy to say that we must maintain balance and not go too extreme.

Suicide

It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Thereafter there is no turning back. It takes great courage to kill yourself. It also takes great courage to acknowledge that you are depressed and have suicidal thoughts. It will be good to talk to someone professionally trained because he/she will not ask you to "snap out of it" but listen to your thoughts and listen to your feelings. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. We do not need solutions. We just need to pour our feelings.

After reading the symptoms of several other mood related experiences, I believe I fall into the Bipolar Depression category. Having mixed states - hyperactivity at some point or hopeless and very sad at some point. Apparently it is a life long and recurrent illness. I have constantly wondered if I will be better after taking anti-depressants. I am glad to always have the support of loved ones.

My baby always has solutions when I feel down. He says he is always there for me, protecting me, my body and soul. I sometimes feel he overreacts, over-worry, over-protects. Sadly, when things go awry, I will be the first to run away. And then like a dog when cornered, bite back. I am not him. I don't solve issues there and then. Am I unappreciative? Or am I just immature? Or maybe just a failure?

There we go again...self blame.

Another sleepless night

Just a day before a happy weekend I have to feel heavy hearted. What did I do wrong again? Did you just test me? Or did I just fall into a hole I dug? You say tell you how truly how I feel; all my thoughts but it seems to me that I must really think before I speak and it is so tedious. It is so tedious! Everything..EVERYTHING is making me paranoid; like what if I say something and you aren't happy; like what if you actually are waiting for me to call, but I didn't. It wasn't that I didn't think of calling. I did. But then I thought it wasn't necessary because it wasn't as if we had argued. It wasn't as if there was even a problem. You didn't reply my message when I asked if I needed to give the concierge any particulars. I also said thank you for the arrangement and I love you. So right away, I thought you were busy once you got home preparing your dinner, getting ready for bed and also the next day for the hotel stay. Then later all I said was is everything ok? after you took awhile to reply my sms telling you I was on the way to the train station. To cut it all short, your last sms was hurtful. It was as if I didn't care about you at all. Was not replying me a test? What is happening now? What's wrong with me? Are you not seeing the way you are treating me? I bet you think you treat me just fine; the best in fact.

I just broke down emotionally and psychologically again. Tears rolling down my cheeks. When you try to clarify or even explain your stand, it is as if bullets come out from your mouth. They shoot me down. They don't kill me. They just let the blood spill from the bullet wounds. Stop it already...please stop...

I am wounded. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on packing. I don't want a repeat of our last hotel stay weekend. You say we can't live on love. But what is just giving a little more love? Is it just too much to ask for?

Dear Blog, I just have to do this entry and make it so personal. I suddenly just want to tear my heart out. I see all the clothes thrown on the bed. My mind is a blank right now. Music. Music feels my ears, my heart. Something that quite describes what I am going through. Enjoy.

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down, I'll turn it all around
'Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

Without you I can't breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I got, you're all I want, oh
'Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see you're all I need?

And I will be, all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

What is going on?

I sit here thinking what I did wrong, again. My stomach does knots. I can literally feel the gastric juices being secreted from its glands. I am afraid to speak my thoughts. It fears me to hear replies that choke my wind pipe. My flaws, my death.