Blaming Me

Self Blame

I read a self hypnosis website that it is not healthy to keep blaming yourself when things go wrong. They said that people who tend to self blame have usually been blamed unfairly when they were growing up. These people also will not take credit or accept compliments readily when things go well. Too much of self blame is cause for depression. Too much of not accepting responsibility also carry its own problems. It is easy to say that we must maintain balance and not go too extreme.

Suicide

It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Thereafter there is no turning back. It takes great courage to kill yourself. It also takes great courage to acknowledge that you are depressed and have suicidal thoughts. It will be good to talk to someone professionally trained because he/she will not ask you to "snap out of it" but listen to your thoughts and listen to your feelings. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. We do not need solutions. We just need to pour our feelings.

After reading the symptoms of several other mood related experiences, I believe I fall into the Bipolar Depression category. Having mixed states - hyperactivity at some point or hopeless and very sad at some point. Apparently it is a life long and recurrent illness. I have constantly wondered if I will be better after taking anti-depressants. I am glad to always have the support of loved ones.

My baby always has solutions when I feel down. He says he is always there for me, protecting me, my body and soul. I sometimes feel he overreacts, over-worry, over-protects. Sadly, when things go awry, I will be the first to run away. And then like a dog when cornered, bite back. I am not him. I don't solve issues there and then. Am I unappreciative? Or am I just immature? Or maybe just a failure?

There we go again...self blame.