It is almost heart stopping but like how I have publicised the emotion over facebook from time to time, I have to sing my love for you on my blog page too!
Baby Chee, I love you. Thank you for winning the Class 95 Office Games challenge for me! I await our many hotel stays and gluttony indulgences! Of course, I await the day we start our lives together at Punggol. heh.
I already said I hated people hitting my head; be it using your fingers or your hands. Why do you have to take a recycled bag with 4 seminar folders to throw at my head? Is it a game to you? What the F is wrong with you?? Are you crazy? Haven't what you got last week from me bad enough when you used the knuckle of your fingers to jab my head? Did you think I was joking? I can take almost everything except someone hitting my head or throwing something targeting at my head. Yes I yelled vulgarities, yes i threw the folders and the recycled bag back at you. So? I don't really F-ing care. You mess with me and my head, I will kill you.
It is cliche to say Monday Blues. This time Thursday is unexpectedly a bad day. Scary enough, it is so close to the weekend I wonder if the unhappiness will rub onto it. So I was trying to be helpful yet not practical. So I felt so bad I just had to do something about it. So I was being chided for wasting money despite good intentions. Whatever. It is wasting my god-damn time trying so hard, ending up making BIG mistakes and getting unappreciated.
To hell with it. And you.
I sometimes wish I wasn't born. I do not wish to go through certain things in life or feel a certain way. I never thought my life would turn out this way. At 30 and still not achieving much. There isn't even a sense of achievement. No satisfaction when it comes to career. I am tired. Tired of living.
You make me feel special,
You make me feel new,
You make me feel loved,
With everything you do.
You hold me close when I am sad.
You wipe the tears from my face.
Every time we are together,
It seems like the perfect place.
My eyes light up when you enter a room.
I smile when we are together.
No matter how bad things are,
You always make them better.
I love the way you kiss me,
The way you hold me tight.
I love the way you touch me,
I could be with you all night.
I love the way you can make me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
I love how no matter what I do,
You will be there to catch me when I fall.
I just want you to know,
That even though we always fight,
I will always love you!
No matter what, day or night.
By Amanda Standridge
I am not satisfied, not to say the least, contented.
Upbeat tempo to sing along to! I had to post something on a date that happens once every 4 years!
Would you remember only the good?
Would you cry?
Would you visit me at my grave?
Would you realise that life is short?
Would you carry on living happily?
Would you pray for me?
Would you think of me?
Would you miss me?
Please don't be sad.
Please don't regret.
Why do you make me cry?
To see the tears fall from my eyes?
Why do you make me cry?
To watch the rain fall from the sky?
Why do you make me cry?
To worsen the pain inside?
Y?
Happy New Year 2012!
When you are in love,
it is like a walk in the park
there is nothing that can't be solved
amazing things happen
sparks fly
hugs and kisses are never enough
two hearts beat as one.
Sometimes I wonder if I should be honest in my blog. I mean, not that I have never been but there are somethings that maybe others prefer to be discreet about.
Today, I feel that age just caught up with me. I remembered I drew up a plan in my head during my younger years; to marry at the age of 26; have kids by 30 and have a good career going for me. It was a good dream coming to think about it now. I am 29, ok almost, not doing something I really want and also not married, let alone have kids. I wonder how long this phase will last.
I know I am ambitious. Somewhere within me is still aggressive, still yearning to do more with my life, aspiring to earn lots and be debt free.
I would say the biggest regret was to enter into a corporate board a little too early and not given the opportunity to ggrow, bogged down by processes and bureucracy, stiffling my creativity. Now I am nowhere. No experience well enoguh to render me a higher position, no company willing to give me the opportunity. Maybe the regret should not be the first job but the wrong course of study during uni days.
so now what? Start all over since after all, they always say the sky's the limit and age is only a number? Easy to say when you don't've plans to settle down, have kids or worry about your finances in the long run.
All of it gives me stress. Day by day, year by year. Sigh..
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection" ~ Teachings of Buddha
As I go to bed with a heavy heart and with tears in my eyes, all I can think about is the fear within. The fear of losing, the fear of ending up where I started, the fear of just living in my past and never moving on, the fear of not being able to stay sustainable in life, the fear of saying the wrong things, fear that I am simply not good enough.
sometimes, when fear consumes you, you are left helpless and not know what to do. You want to tell someone about how you feel but it is difficult to spill the beans. I am choosing the best way I know how - blog. Blog about an emotion that can spin out of control when the mind is weak.
I might be losing my focus in life suddenly. It is this sense of lost in direction that makes me wonder which path to take next? Will choosing the wrong one bring me times of darkness and change I may not be able to accept?
I am so unsure right now. I don't know where to go from here.
