The Psychology of the Mind

Horror flicks.

What makes a good horror movie? Is it subjective? Is it considered good when each and every image is imprinted in your subconsicous? Tough to understand and difficult to erase once planted in the mind. For me at least.

The love for gore intrigues me. Never understanding why but watching them in the late of the night builds the excitement. It was to the extent that I got bored because of the dozens and tons of uncensored grotesque films I have seen over the years. It stopped after some time. Now, asking me to watch any again can just bring me goosebumps and wild imagination, causing terrible unrest and sleepless nights. Why is this? Why now? Why me?

Insomnia - 'prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep' (from http://www.m-w.com/) Could it be because of the recent horror show I watched? Or it was originally stress and the movie just made things worse? I do not know. I want to find out. Sleepless nights have been stressful enough. Closing my eyes see nothing else but the scenes from the movie coming to live; in front of my eyes and disappearing to the back of my head and then repeating over and over again. Is the mind too weak to control the thoughts now? Was it even strong to begin with? Then why the ability to conquer in the past and not now? Could that be the reason why I have not been watching such shows anymore? Why did I even succumb to the peer pressure to go ahead with the show? Too many whys, again.

I prefer light now. I hate the darkness. Staring into the ceiling in the dark of the night drives my mind wild and crazy.

Think happy thoughts now, I tell myself. Think about the funny movies I have watched before, I tell myself. Chant. Look forward. No..stop, don't look back. Stop those freaking ugly faces from the show...get them out get them out!!! Turning the lights on. Suddenly, the area is brighter, less frightening, less imposing. What is coming after me? It's all in the head. It is a psychological battle against me, myself and I. It is as if I have gone back to my childhood days where thrillers, action movies, horror, gore, easily imprint themselves and give me the worst nightmares. I don't want to dream. I want to stop all these. Fear. Acknowledge it, the psychiatrist said. Don't turn them away. The more you run, the harder to escape.

Perhaps I should stop thinking altogether. Make myself busy. Tire the brains out. Relax. Listen to soothing music. Medidate. Do whatever it takes. Calm the mind. Ease the tension. Stop the pain.

All the thoughts rushing back again....

Go away..please...go away...