The Issue

The cause of all the heartaches. The cause of all the heartbreaks. The cause of all the affairs. The cause of pain. The cause of them all. It all seems illusioned; like a distant memory that happened once; it's there, it had been there, it happened, it nearly ended, it happened again and then it finally ended. Is ignorance bliss? Not knowing what the reasons are will be equal to not telling the actual line of events? Or maybe if I hadn't done what I've done, yours wouldn't have seemed so much more trivial. Or maybe if yours was more serious, mine wouldn't have seemed so over the hedge. Isn't it always the case? You can do it but I cannot; I can do it but you cannot. To think that it's over but I guess not. I guess I don't believe it was a simple as it is & to settle the issue just like that doesn't even require time. In fact, if nothing really happened, it doesn't even require settling. You even blamed me for causing the issue. If you had known what I've done would it be so forgivable then? Perhaps you are right, it won't last long even though I've chosen to be with you. Guilt and trust will get the better of me & then I will make that choice you were most worried about. I will never tell you about it. It will be too much to lose. Then again, isn't it already considered an eye for an eye? Why can't I just let it go? Why can't you just let it go? Probably it isn't the end of the story. You might have more than that issue to settle & therefore had to ask for about a year's time; hopefully the "thing" will fade on its own. Can it really go back to normal now that everything is supposedly over? You can possibly be right in saying that it wouldn't last. Again I know it isn't that simple. It cannot be that simple. If nothing was going on & it was just "talking" what's there to settle? Sorry seems to be the hardest word right now. Even saying sorry for me is tough. Sorry for what I've done is easier. Now that you're not around, it would be good to evaluate ourselves. It is no longer a test. We've past that stage. And you, another you, why didn't it last? Why must it be this way? Why must we meet? Why must I go hysterical? Why must you do this to me? Why be nice & cold at the same time? Why say sorry? Why keep on saying sorry when it's sucha useless word? It doesn't mean anything at all. You never showed your true feelings. You'd rather keep everything coz you too believe that it's not going to go anywhere so no point hurting. It already did so what is the big deal? I thought it was easy to get over. I thought I got over. I never realised it is worse than before now that you've told me your side of the story and I didn't exactly tell you mine. But I don't believe you. Maybe I am paranoid because I've done worse. And you, you used me & made me believe that it might happen, that hope, that passion, that fire and then the burnt & the scar. It will never go away. How many times must I do this before I learn and admit it's a mistake and never let it happen again? Will I change? Will it never happen? Will it happen? Too many hidden secrets still. Too many left unspoken. Dreams becoming reality and reality - a distant dream. I should be happy. Why indulge once again in these unnecessary stuff? Why look back at the past, moan, groan & be glum about it. You should move on too! Doubt you are anyway. Let your feelings flow; go with the flow. Be true to yourself. Be true to her. Be true to him. Random array of thoughts; silly to brood about; frivolous enough to kill; manipulate the siuation you say. Aren't you just gaining sympathy votes? Stop it, please. You drive me crazy. All of you...So wierd the way things are right now. Like it's not right when all seems to be what, on the surface, the best thing that will ever be. Take a look at me now; it's just a chance I've gotta take. So what is the issue now?