Pondering Thoughts

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmit which may result in separation.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile,"Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. The is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too!

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements pls." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The offier listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cann hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change their bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying that carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectations on changing the spouse's character will only cause disappointment and unpleasantness. Of course it is oh so simple saying all these. It is never easy implementing the actions and working on them. As difficult as it may seem, when there's a will there's always a way, as long as we don't give up.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

"A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me, otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perceptions. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey?" Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented,"How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then they met a young man. He commented,"Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife imediately climbed down and carried the donkey on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge. the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not the present and never will be in the future. Do not be bothered by others' words if our conscience is clear..