The Attachment

Sex on The Beach, Long Island, Kalua. Cocktails. Drinking and more drinking. The night was young. I was out at the pub. I needed to distress. I needed to chill. I needed the company of my colleague and friend. The dungeon seems cold and the air stale. I feel cold and stale. The chills that run down my spine creeps back up again and doesn't go away. The smoke, the songs, the people, the seat, the company. The latter, so sweet, so understanding, so kind, so nice, so shy, so near yet so far. The to be yet not to be. What did it fall into? Why did it happen? Why change? Why must it be the wrong timing? So much bitterness wrapping the forever sweetness, yet it'll take forever to uncover the best within. The lies, deceit, irresponsibilities that I hold dear to myself. The fault lies in me, I blame myself for any mistake I make, blame myself for any shortcomings I have and blame myself even more if those I care for are hurt and when I see the pain radiating from their eyes. Don't hold it all against yourself, they'll say. Accept the changes, accept the pain, accept the fear, accept the mistakes and don't repeat them again. What's past is past, the future is all that we should aim for. Do not anticipate what the future will bring. Live today to the fullest, filled with wonderful memories so that today can become tomorrow's beautiful history. Don't fight life as it always wins. Pain is inevitable and misery is a choice. Of course, most of the time we choose misery don't we? Females in particular tend to take everything more emotionally than guys. We become more illogical and start to get hysterical and cannot compartmentalise. Men, the balance of our hysteria, the root of all evil? (I believe comments will be controversial) Find me the path to happiness. Find me the answers to my ever pessimistic thoughts and feelings. Find me the route to walk through the thorny jungle of superficiality into a clearing of the green pastures where the rainbow lights up the sky. Show me the meaning of being lonely. Show me the meaning of a time off. Show me the meaning of falling in and outta love. Show me the meaning of the complexities in life. Show me how to rid the disarray of thoughts flowing through after all these years when I thought that I've gotten over them. Let it all go they say. Let go and things that you always wanted will come back. Must the challenge always be appreciating everything yet attaching yourself to nothing? The hurt, the pain, the deja vu, it all comes back to haunt, to torture, to flash in front of my already messed up mind. Let it go Serene, they all say, live for tomorrow and not yesterday. ...There's sucha thing as trying too hard... ...You've got to sing like you don't need the money... ...Love like you'll never get hurt... ...You've gotta dance like nobody's watching... ...It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work...